With Pavlos glowering over her, Sera knew that she had said something terrible, but she couldn’t remember what exactly these words could have been. Her mind had grown far too fuzzy from the drink she was holding. The Athenian Princess could feel the red liquid sloshing about in her belly as she shifted to face Pavlos, her face stone cold as she absorbed his words, trying to make sense of what had come from him and what was just the white noise buzzing within her skull. She knew that this sound that deafened her thoughts was not something that Pavlos could hear as he stood by the window, angrily fumbling with his slipping chiton. That much she didn’t need to struggle with as she swirled the jeweled goblet in her hands, liquid sloshing over the sides as dark as the blood that no longer stained their bedsheets as her body began to show signs of the weary decades Sera had slogged through. Half of them had been at this man’s side. This angry, vile man was demanding things from her that Sera did not want to give on this day. Love, affection. Any other day, she might have swallowed her pride and allowed him to live in his daydream that this fifty-seven-year-old husk of something broken was capable of bearing him a son.

But she wasn’t capable of that this day.

Pavlos wouldn’t understand. Sera wouldn’t even begin to convey the pain that overcame her on this specific day in early autumn. It just wasn’t worth explaining how the changing leaves of the world outside did nothing, but remind her what she had lost over four decades ago. He hadn’t even been born the day that Sera had met Alexios beneath those golden trees in the Palati gardens, sneaking her away from the watchful eyes of her mother and all the tutors hired to train her to be a Princess. What would he understand of that feeling she had felt for the first time in her life when that handsome Antonis commander told her that he loved her? That there had been nothing more beautiful and wonderful in this entire realm than Sera in his eyes? Her husband only grew mad whenever she tried to speak about how free she had felt in her first husband’s arms -- how he looked past the titles and riches that came from being betrothed to a Xanthos but instead saw her for who she was beneath the dresses and the jewels. Pavlos did not want to hear of how for the first and only time in her life she had felt as if she had shed the trappings of the political pawn she had been born to be and instead was just… Sera as she too confessed the schoolgirl crush she had on the man everyone in the Palati already knew she would marry. Sera wondered what it would be like to feel that way again. To be truly loved and not feel used for her bloodline as everyone around her now was seemingly content with after twenty long years of silence.

Sera knew that her husband would not like to hear of such trivial things. He would only grow irate if Sera confessed that this day was one of loss to her as he could never understand why his wife couldn’t let the dead remain dead. As far as he was concerned, that period in her life was over. Alexios had been dead for forty years. She should let go of such memories to focus on the ones they held now. As if she could forget the father of her firstborn and how he never cared for the trappings of royalty. He never spent long evenings muttering about securing legacies and continuing bloodlines like Pavlos did, every word ringing bitterly in her ears as if it was her fault that the gods had decided that Pavlos was not deserving of a son. How could she forget how Alexios fawned over young Alehandros whenever she saw the pain in poor Elena’s eyes as she suffered from her father’s anger -- unable to give her the love that she deserved as her long hair reminded him that she had not been the type of child he had wanted? As the years ticked on and whatever foolish spark of love that had drawn them together had begun to flicker and die between the Marikas lord and the Princess he had secured, she couldn’t help the memories that began to creep in of how Sera once had paradise in her hands. How there had once been a time where she did not feel as if the love she held so deep in her heart came at a price she couldn’t pay. It had been free and all-encompassing from Alexios while Pavlos came with a long list of conditions. Her husband might wish for her to forget such things and focus on what was before her as any good Princess should do for the sake of their family, but she couldn’t.

No matter how hard she tried that selfish desire to remember times that were better than these long years remained within her. Call her a bad wife if you must, but when the only other option is lying there quietly as Pavlos only touched her to try to force a son out of a wilted womb, there is little else Sera could do. Her life was miserable and she was certain that if Alexios had never died, poor Sera would have never known what it felt like to be unloved. She would have never felt like a failure as she would have watched Alehandros sparred with the brothers that would never be on the training grounds, returning to her bed at night to hear sweet nothings as the love of her life coaxed her off to sleep. She would not feel guilty for indulging herself in visits to her grandchildren as the Marikas did not like to be reminded of what Sera had never provided for them. Pavlos should consider himself lucky that she did not often divulge such memories to him. How even though her thoughts could never truly stray from the thoughts of how her life could have turned out differently, she spared him the pain of hearing aloud how his wife thought a man long dead was infinitely superior to him. It was small mercy she could grant him and quite frankly it was one that he did not deserve.

Today was just one of those few days where she could not be bothered to hide these thoughts any longer.

It had started after dinner when she had retired to her room and sent her handmaids away once one of the nicest bottles of Condos wine had been delivered to her. She had not paid attention to how many goblets were slipping past her lips as she relived the memories she held deep in her heart, where no one could ever taint them the way Pavlos had destroyed everything else within her. She had not even noticed how dark the world had become before Pavlos slipped his way into her bedchamber, not knowing that he would find his wife utterly drunk and hostile to his presence. He had tried to lecture her. Speak of the supposed importance of giving him an heir as she spurned his advances, unable to bear even the faintest brush of his palm against her shoulder on a day like this. Now if Sera were sober she might have conducted herself differently, might have even resigned herself to swallow her feelings in the name of keeping her husband happy as she might have nodded along to the elegant nonsense he was saying. That just wasn’t an option though as the now nearly empty bottle of wine slid to the floor and rang hollow as took all sense of judgment away from the Princess who prided herself on her composure.

Tonight had been different because instead of holding her tongue, Sera released it.

The fateful words had tumbled past her lips long before could string together a coherent thought sane enough to remind her that this was not the sort of thing that dutiful wives do. All the times that she had thought that she had been better than him, refusing to stoop to his level had disappeared as she finally spat back the decades of pain he had inflicted upon her. Perhaps he might have not known what the toll was upon the spurned wife who watched helplessly as Pavlos sought out whores to give him that son he so desperate to have. Or maybe he did and he just didn’t care -- thinking that the legacy of his house was far more important than the burden he put on the wife he was supposed to cherish above all else. Sera didn’t know, she didn’t want to know what his reasoning was; however, after tonight he could not feign ignorance in not knowing how heavily it all weighed on her heart. Not after she made it very clear what she thought of his foolish attempts to get her to bear a son when it clearly was not in the cards for them any longer.

“Perhaps if you learned to be grateful for what you have instead of demanding more like a petulant child, I wouldn’t need to think of Alexios!” She angrily spat back at him as his angry words finally made sense in her tired mind. Her words were almost slurred, making it clear that she was not in any normal state of cognizance if the empty bottle of wine on the floor was not already enough of an indication of that. “If you had done your duty as a father and not spurned our girls because they dared to not have been born as boys then maybe you might find a bit more kindness in my heart for your pathetic plight!” At this moment, the Xanthos woman rose from her chair, daring to move closer to Pavlos so even in the darkness he could see the fire in her angry gaze as he drunkenness gave her the courage to convey all the hurt he had put her through these long twenty-five years. It might have been dangerous for her to do, closing the gap between these two irate souls, especially as the drink sloshing so heavily in her belly made her unsteady on her feet. However, it had given her the courage to do this one thing she had been longing to do for decades. Stand her ground instead of being some meek little thing as she had been for so long.

She should have done it sooner. Sera should have confronted him when the rumors once first began to swirl of Agathe’s dalliances or the first time she had caught Elena crying because Pavlos had been cold to her again. Every time she’s needed to fight with Daniil about that damn sword of hers should have been a precursor to how Pavlos needed to let go of the things he was never going to have. However, she had held her tongue for the sake of keeping this broken family together, no matter how badly they were already cracked at the seams. Sera might have had a duty as a matriarch and a wife to her husband, but that never should have come before the duty she held as a mother. She should know, she had already failed to see that once before. However, Pavlos made it so difficult in his stubbornness, refusing to accept that a woman who barely bled anymore was not going to bear him a son. Any other woman who would have been unfortunate enough to marry him would have put their foot down decades ago. Sera had just been too afraid of repeating the same mistakes that she had made with Alehandros to do so sooner.

“I will scorn you until you see what the rest of the world already knows. You will never get a son from me.” She practically spat out at him, the words being hissed from between her teeth as she gripped the half-empty goblet tight in her hand, shaking slightly from the rage that was filling her. It was long past time that Pavlos let these things go. However, Sera knew that a man’s pride was a fickle thing. Would he accept the simple truth that it had been his own mistakes that drove his wife away?

Or would this become just another thing he blamed Sera for?