Dear Danae,
I have finished the book you recommended in your last letter. While I found the story itself quite fascinating, I will admit that much of the prose detailing military strategy was distracting to me. Nonetheless, I did my best to still read even those sections thoroughly.
I’ll confess, it seems terribly relevant. All I can think is of all the soldiers of Colchis who have set sail to wage war with Egypt. Many who are dear to me are aboard those ships, and I see the concern in the faces of all around me. This is the first war of significance in my adult life and I can no longer remain unconcerned with such matters, no matter how little my interest of war.
As I read the heartbreaking death Patroclus, I couldn’t stop myself from imagining him replaced by one of the brave men I call friend or family. To even imagine the pain Achilles must have endured, having lost his most loyal friend... it’s devastating. I pray daily for their safe return and that the horrors they face do not wound them too deeply. I hope that I might not ever experience such grief.
With so many gone from our court and city, it only seems more clear how little I belong amongst my peers. Every day I have to swallow all I feel beneath a smile feels more tiring. I wonder if I am failing at pretending, or does everyone else truly not have to try so hard at all? I know what I want my future to look like, but I fear I lack the skills to make it a reality. I work so hard to be who everyone expects of a woman of the Drakos name, yet I wish I could simply relax and by my most authentic self. That seems so impossible.
Do you ever dream of love? I’ve been blessed enough to see it with my own eyes as well as reading of it, yet I fear it may never be mine. Perhaps it is foolish to even wish it. Ladies such as we are seldom offered choices. But I cannot imagine living with this feeling loneliness for the rest of my days. To know that even one person loved me fully and understood me... I want to believe that would be enough.
Forgive my sentimental musings. I cannot help but feel you a kindred spirit in our love of literature and so I hope you might understand. If nothing else, your recommendation gave me much to think about in the current state of things.
I hope you will tell me more of your life when you reply. Truth be told, I would very much like to be anywhere but here right now. I know Mother would never permit me to travel now though. Things are tense enough as it is. She will want me where she can keep a close eye on me. Perhaps your words can transport me to Athenia if only for a handful of moments.
I eagerly await your next letter.
Best wishes,
Essa of Drakos
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