Heartbreaker | Aeipathy

“I believe he truly meant to compare himself to the gods and imply he should be treated as they are. Such arrogance, I do not know your beliefs or how devout you are, but surely the gods you worship must frown on such behavior as well?”

Aea did not actually know the northmen’s position on such things, as she’d never seen it done, but she knew enough of their religion and practices to make a guess. “Kneeling is considered either the highest form of gratitude or the lowest form of submission. We believe our gods are in everything, part of the world just as the rocks and the trees, part of us. When we pay tribute, we do not kneel, for we would be kneeling as much to ourselves as them if that were the case. However, we do kneel to mortals who earn our greatest respect. And on the opposing end, of course, slaves kneel when appealing to their masters.”

She shrugged, “In any case, I think both of our customs would dictate that he should not expect such a thing from you in the literal sense.”

It was pertinent to shift the conversation away from kneeling to Panos of Marikas. Aea would rather have Alexandros’ calm rationality than his irritation for now; it was far more difficult to loosen a tongue when it was caged by bared fangs, and it would do Kaia no favors to have to face an enraged boar while she was still so raw.

Aea pulled his mind further from the dinner and into the night air by using the easiest and most elementary method she knew of—flattery. Used wisely, it could sometimes even calm her father’s foul mood.

She allowed Cassero’s silver tongue to fuel and inspire her, and Alexandros responded as she’d hoped, his attention moving further away from the chamber and deeper into the world outside of it.

“Thank you, those are kind words to describe something most would call foolish or stupid. Our mutual friend Asia seemed to think it was solely stupid. For my part, I was insulted, and the way I was raised, if a man took insults without response or drawing blood he was seen as weak, especially those who led men,” he said.

Aea nodded, looking straight ahead at the doors they came through as she thought. He was like her, then. The way he was raised had a lasting and damaging effect upon him when among others. She, at least, did not like that she was so influenced by her childhood. She just did not know how to change it and even if she did, changing it would have negative consequences on her chances of survival now.

If she did not live as she lived, if she lived among civilization, she would have to adapt and open herself to learning a new way of living. If she didn’t, she would make herself miserable with suspicion and presumption that everyone was out to end her life. This much was clear by the way all the civilized people she’d seen behaved as if death was the furthest thing from their mind, Asia being the most recent example.

If Alexandros had been raised to defend his honor, had he also been raised to do so at the cost of all else? And if so, did such lessons serve him now in the same way they used to?

“I understand. Truly. The way we were raised seems to be the determining factor on how we act as adults, and although I wouldn't presume to know how you feel on the matter, at least for me, it can be a source of great issue when among others.” She was raised to trust nobody, and to kill anybody who could possibly hurt her or her family first. Likely why she wanted to kill Alexandros now. Had she been two years younger, she might have already, but she'd learned enough to know better than to act so quickly now.

Besides, it gave her ample time to learn and explore differing viewpoints in the process. Alexandros' was a new and interesting one, for it was very different from her own.

Aea could understand his need to defend his pride, but what she could not understand was his inability to comprehend in what way 'most would call him foolish.' Comprehending other viewpoints and realizing personal misstep was how people learned and grew...right? If it was not, at least for him, then how did he move through the world and absorb information?

Aea looked at Alexandros, angling her body more in his direction now that the conversation had taken a sharp turn into a genuine direction. Alexandros could have been the purest soul in existence or the blackest, it mattered not. She would have still spoken with him on such things. To Aea, her disapproval of this man did not make him any less of a human that she could learn from. She had her own opinions, of course, but she was not inflexible. Her opinions could be changed if she were made to see things from a perspective outside of her own, so long as the second perspective was more rational than the primary.

Perhaps, even in this, she could see Alexandros’ actions as correct, though the logical pattern he gave her to follow and understand was quite illogical itself, mired in principle rather than pragmatism. She’d been wrong enough times in her life, however, to know it was foolish to write off a secondary reasoning so soon.

She crossed her arms and rested her elbow upon the fold, tapping her bottom lip in thought. “I think all people will have their opinions, but the one that should take precedence is your own. Now that you are away from the situation, do you think it was unwise, would you do it all over again in the same manner, or would you have done more?”

She’d already decided that Alexandros’ inability to grasp reasoning beyond his own was mired in his stubborn insistence on allowing the past to dictate the present. But that did not mean he could not learn from the experience, as she was currently learning.

Surely he had seen many battles, and she could assume he had won since he was still alive. In order to understand why a majority of people would see him as incorrect, Alexandros might benefit from observing the situation objectively and as if he were at war, for that was precisely what it was—open conflict. Aea, herself, liked theories of warfare very much, as much as she enjoyed ontology and mathematics.

Aea had not seen much of the world outside of her family, but she had observed the dynamic between them for almost two decades. There was a hierarchy among them, and at the top used to be her father. It was not because he was the biggest or the meanest, though both were certainly true, but because he was the one who had ensured their survival for all these years. Hektos may have seemed to the outside world to be nothing but a war-hardened brute, but he was shrewd. Gatheron might have been the thinker, but Hektos was the planner. It was the one who made the strategy that led their merry band of killers.

Aea knew all she knew of war from her father, who once had ambitions to become a Colchian captain himself. Although he once coveted the position that Alexandros now occupied, the two men were only similar in outward behavior. Likely their understanding of warfare was quite different.

Aea had a unique perspective, she supposed. The logical functions of her uncle and the knowledge of her father. Neither men had liked to listen to one another, but she had listened attentively to both. Some people were not so lucky as she was to have such context.

Hektos had said that when a unit was surrounded on all sides by the enemy, there were generally two options: advance and sacrifice one's forces, as many have done in the past, or retreat and return with a vengeance and a better strategy.

If one should charge ahead and sacrifice his men—as Alexandros had done—the reason behind such a maneuver would dictate whether his sacrifice was regaled in epic ballads or laughed about around his enemy’s cookfires.

Alexandros’ reason behind throwing his forces head-long into a wall of pikes was not to create a great diversion in order for the army to rally and flank, it was not because there was no other route, it was not because of anything except for pride. He did not sacrifice his forces for the army—which could stand for the greater good, the kingdom, anything outside of himself—he only did it because he could not think of a better way to fight for his pride outside of rushing his vanguard into a battle where he was greatly outnumbered. There had been a way to reroute his men and retreat to the bulk of the army so that he could fight another day, and yet still he charged into the vast enemy. Worse, he not only sacrificed his unit, but put the entire army—the kingdom—at risk due to his maneuver.

Nobody could fault him the need to defend his honor, and most people would want to do the same as he had. He could, however, be faulted for the foolish sacrifice of his unit when such a sacrifice served absolutely no purpose to anybody but himself.

Had he more allies in his campaign, he would have been more likely to succeed in his endeavors. However, he had stood alone, and so the question then became a comparison of motivation. Was his motivation—the thing he fought for—greater than the motivation of those who stood on a differing end?

Alexandros mentioned that Asia thought his actions stupid. Upon analysis of Asia’s part in the conflict, it was easy to see the disconnect between the captain and the princess.

Asia, it seemed, fought for the honor of the Marikas girl, and from what Aea heard, the good of Colchis as well. She sacrificed her forces upon Alexandros’, and she did so immediately because if she withdrew to fight another day, Alexandros might have said more and made another blow against her army—the kingdom—and weakening it in the process.

Alexandros was fighting for himself and putting the army at risk.
Asia was fighting for the army and putting one unit—Alexandros' favor toward her—at risk.

When compared to Asia’s strategy, his position looked immoral. People were more likely to follow the commander who took to the field for the ‘right’ reasons, and leave behind the commander who appeared the villain.

It was no wonder there hadn’t been a single person to come to Alexandros’ defense. Anybody that might have called individualism over collectivism—at a peace dinner no less—were likely far too shrewd to say so in public.

Too short-sighted to see the bigger picture, Alexandros had executed impulsive tactics without a strategy. Likewise, seeing the bigger picture and yet ignoring the smaller details, Asia executed a strategy without tactics. Had the princess considered tactics, she might have pulled Alexandros outside to reason with him and allowed Vangelis to do what he intended to do without Alexandros present. Instead, she invited the scorn of a man who was clearly prideful, and incited him to talk himself deeper into a hole before all three kingdoms.

Or perhaps not. Perhaps there was a method to Asia's tactics that Aea could not see.

When one had a strategy but no tactics, they would be outmaneuvered by the enemy. When one had only tactics and no strategy, it was the quickest way to defeat. Alexandros had only tactics while Asia had a strategy with questionable tactics.

But there was one army that had both strategy and tactics—Panos of Marikas. He'd outmaneuvered Asia and pitted her against her friend, and he made Alexandros appear a villain to hide his own wicked threat.

He had threatened to deprive Colchians of food, and yet he had somehow made it look as if it were up to Alexandros whether Colchians became deprived. Panos had foisted the responsibility of keeping starvation away from Colchis upon the captain, and all the while it was actually the responsibility of the Marikas to keep political relations friendly.

Panos was cunning. Wicked, too, and that was perhaps the worst combination of things to be, at least for all others outside of Panos himself.

Of course, Alexandros had still been impulsive. He had the opportunity to position Panos as the one who was truly responsible for the real issue, and yet had been blind to it.

The way Aea was raised, if survival meant looking weak for the moment, then one would do it to survive long enough to obliterate the one that dared make such a threat. And if one led a group that thought a momentary, calculated surrender was weakness, either it is not a very smart group or the leader of said group did not generate enough trust for them to know better.

That Alexandros allowed others to see how easily he cast aside all of his sworn loyalties save for loyalty to himself made Vangelis, by association, seem incompetent and foolhardy in his choice of captain. He had, after all, told Panos that he would accept responsibility for Alexandros’ actions. That was the definition of defending him, and against his own blunder no less. Clearly Alexandros did not trust his superior’s momentary, calculated surrender. She wondered if it was because Alexandros was stupid, or if it was because he simply did not trust Vangelis to know what he was doing.

The fucked up part was that Alexandros' actions would not have been foolish or unreasonable at all if Panos had not dangled the threat of taking food from Colchis. Nobody would be questioning his fitness as a captain, or Vangelis' handle upon his military leaders, had it not been for Panos.

Before, Alexandros just seemed to be making a faux-pas that Aea could not quite understand outside of how it affected her cousin. Now, instead of just looking like a temperamental man, the introduction of depriving a nation of food made Alexandros seem incompetent. He displayed a short-sightedness more befitting of a foot soldier who never had to strategize, manage a unit upon a field of battle, or take other people’s wellbeing into consideration rather than a Colchian captain.

A military leader, as far as Aea knew, put their men and their nation before themselves. She suspected those that didn’t were either quite subtle about it, or they were not military leaders for long.

Aea was beginning to believe that the Athenian had meant for all of these things to appear as such, though she did not yet know how or why outside of somebody trying to bed his family member.

Had Panos been more of a man and less of a villain himself, he would have drawn his sword rather than gamble with the lives of hundreds of people. He was the one who took the issue to a different layer of complexity, when before it had only been a conflict among two individuals.

Perhaps if swords were allowed, the Marikas girl would have challenged Alexandros then and there and settled the issue before it was dragged to a more extreme place.

Fucking Athenians. They would rather use hundreds, if not thousands, of people as a shield than face a man with a sword. This particular Athenian was rather shrewd indeed. Alexandros had offended his family, and so with a single statement, Panos had compromised the captain's friendships, his career, and his public reputation without ever having to bloody himself.

Panos likely knew how a hot-blooded Colchian would respond. He played his hand with the intention of getting his way while making Alexandros look the villain, when really, the captain had only been used as a pawn by the real monster.

Had Alexandros been more concerned with more than his pride, had he been more strategic in the movement of his unit, he might have been able to turn the real issue—the threat of starvation over an insult—back upon the real enemy. He could have exposed Panos of Marikas as the heartless beast he was.

Then again, perhaps Aea was incorrect in all of her assumptions and was, in fact, the real idiot in this as she tried to understand behaviors and motivations far outside of her realm of understanding. She supposed she would see.

Most people did not like being told they were wrong from an objective perspective. Aea was willing to humor the idea that she was incorrect in her analysis, quite expected it to be so, and that meant she was able to learn quickly from those who were correct. She wondered if Alexandros was as open-minded. If he was, then he would be willing to discuss the idea. If not, then he would get defensive. This would be a test of the possible arrogance she identified earlier, and the results of such a test would lend further credence to her initial results.

That, and apparently even she had lines she would not cross, at least not yet. Perhaps she would be able to in the future, but she supposed that the divinity of idea was too precious a thing to sacrifice upon a lie.

“As to opinions, if you care for them, I think it all a matter of perspective. You were fighting for your pride, Asia was fighting for something other than your pride. How one sees the morality of your actions depend upon which value one holds in higher regard, and the soundness of your actions lay in whether one believes that your execution was the best possible choice. Deeper than that, I think, is the issue of why Asia felt the need to defend her nation against a man who only retained an insult, and why she felt her 'friend' was a direct threat to that. Your pride was not the issue, captain, nor was Panos'. Everyone should have pride in themselves, and brave men usually defend it, but perhaps some prices are too high. The hundreds, if not thousands of people who were threatened might agree that depriving them of food is far too costly. Especially when it is paid by people in such trusted positions as captain and master of law. However, you received the scorn, and not the man who made the threat to begin with. I have to wonder at why." She shrugged, "Then again, I am also inexperienced in such things and cannot know if my own assumptions are correct. People like to speculate that they might have taken a different route than the one you chose, or that their opinions are the only correct ones, or that they noticed something that nobody else did, but they cannot know until they are put into an identical situation, they are usually wrong in their subjectivity, and see things that are not actually there."

The mind loved nothing more than to protect the ego. Likely he would be offended by her candor, likely she was wrong, but if she was, then she would learn in what way by his answer, for that is what her mind thrived upon. She wanted to understand, to be able to come as close as she could to see through another set of eyes and experience the things he experienced.

As she saw it from the context of ignorant assumption based entirely upon observation, Alexandros had been angry that his pride was insulted, but not once did he get angry that Panos had threatened his countrymen. Whether it was out of true selfishness and disregard for the people, or whether he was that blinded by insult to his person, she did not know.

Slaves who worked the mines, washer women, infants at the breast—Alexandros had wagered the welfare of people who trusted him to fight for them so that they could, in turn, do their own duties to keep the kingdom functioning. Those people trusted him to defend them, and yet he never seemed bothered that the very things he was meant to protect had been threatened. He did not fight for them, only his vanity. Trust was sacred and he had broken it. The job of protecting others was important and he had not done his job. Aea could not see in what way his actions were justifiable once vulnerable people were introduced in the equation.

Had he kept his people in mind over himself, things might have gone quite differently in there. Taking everything into consideration, Aea could only arrive at two conclusions. Alexandros either was a stupid man, or he had deluded himself into thinking he was common-born.

And if he was a Colchian captain, it was unlikely he was stupid. He was just a privileged little boy who’d grown up as a privileged man in the arms of adoration and favoritism. He did not know what it meant to be hungry, to be betrayed, to trust somebody much larger and more powerful than yourself and hope that, this time, you could rely on them to keep you safe.

He only thought he knew disregard, but if he truly did, he would be able to see beyond himself and realize that he was so unconcerned with the lives of the Colchian people that he had completely forgotten them in the face his 'honor', just as Panos used them to guard his.

Ideas of warcraft theory aside, Aea was acutely aware that she was uneducated and ignorant. She would like to see someone live her life and see how well they prized their decency and pride after they arrived at the end of the road. If, in fact, they retained their sanity and functions enough to arrive in one piece to begin with. She, in turn, would like to see if she could experience another life and come out of it more or less alright.

It might be that if she saw things as Alexandros did, she would see how his wounded pride was more important than his threatened kingdom. Or, perhaps, his kingdom had never been at risk to begin with, and she had just observed something incorrectly because she did not know the complexities of politics.

What a fascinating, strange situation. She kept going deeper into their conversation, and though she had all she needed, still she kept going. Hoping she was wrong for Kaia’s sake perhaps, or maybe because she was just curious for her own sake at this point.

“Perhaps I did not catch your name spoken as Asia introduced you to most of the table, the hall is loud and so had my own conversations to attend to. It is customary to give at least one name to be called by when greeted or asked by your conversation partner, perhaps customs are different in Danmork than they are here, but I would still appreciate having something to call you,” Alexandros said.

Not playful then, and though she judged him flirtatious before, he either had no attraction to her, did not like to be withheld things, or he could somehow sense that something dangerous was near. Likely all three.

Had Aea valued her pride over the objective, she might have refused to tell him any name, real or otherwise. She did not like being made to do things according to the authority of a man who had not earned such regard, probably much like Alexandros did not like such things himself. The captain was not her father, and that had been the only man she’d ever truly listened to. Not even the king had earned her obedience; she would have left her blade in Asia’s room if he had.

But she was also not Alexandros, and she had no qualms with laying aside her pride in order to succeed in her purpose when physicality was not possible.

“I see my sense of humor has fallen flat once more. Call me Lilli. As to Kaia—” She gentled her smile to something he might find more comfortable. Meek and easily aquisised. “She helped me find the washroom and sat with me until my stomach settled. She asked me—rather enthusiastically—to deliver her message when I returned to my seat, which was conveniently across from your own, though if you did not notice my name, I suspect you did not notice that I was across from you either.”

“I am glad that Kaia was able to assist you. You would be wrong there, I watched you enter the hall with Asia and her brother, I saw your introductions to several rather important people, and I saw you sit down, perhaps you failed to notice that several of my smiles pointed directly to you. I was not able to hear your name, and had not had the time to introduce myself until now,” Alexandros said.

Now here was something interesting. She thought him honest, and yet here he lied. Could one be honest and a liar?

Very little escaped Aea’s notice when she was as on edge as she had been inside of the chamber. She’d looked ahead a number of times at various things upon the table, over his shoulder, near his general vicinity, and each time he had been engrossed in talking. The only time he might have smiled at her is if he were smiling at her profile, which would be odd.

She was not the unobservant one here, he was, and he was creating a fabrication just to ensure that she did not...what? Feel offended? Why would she? Was it so he did not have to acknowledge that he did not, in fact, notice something? Was it necessary for Aea to take the responsibility for not noticing, thereby making him look right and her wrong while indeed the opposite was true, and all the while convincing her that the reality she knew was not what happened?

It was possible that she'd been so flustered by Yiannis that she'd just stared at Alexandros without truly seeing him, but it was not probable. The fact that she was so flustered by the prince would have made her more aware of her surroundings, and the people in it. That is why she had been so fixated upon Rene and Ophelia at the Peace Festival—she had been scared, and when she was scared, she focused on the things and people around her to a painfully sharp degree, her body ready to fight or bolt, her mind assessing everything for signs of aggression.

The prince might have flustered her, but not in the way Alexandros suggested. Stress made her more focused, not less. It was when she was relaxed that she was likely to miss things—that was, after all, how she'd missed him talking to Kaia at the Dionysia. And even someone as charming and handsome as Yiannis could not fluster her so much that her anxiety triggered a different bodily reaction where she was unaware or easily distracted.

No. Alexandros' little tricks might work on people who did not experience such manipulative tactics before, but they would not work on her. It was a nice try, though.

“I see,” Aea shrugged. “I was apparently sufficiently distracted. I do apologize for not noticing.”

It occurred to her then that she was, in fact, rather relaxed now. Angry, but relaxed. She felt no fear of this man, and so she was not paying attention to her surroundings. The hairs on the back of her next raised and she had the urge to look behind her, but she didn't.

“I hate to be nosey.” She hopped upon the stone railing and faced him, forcefully quashing her natural instinct to check a second time that there were no threats nearby. “But I cannot help wondering who this mysterious Kaia is. I thought perhaps a lover, but you seemed taken by the woman beside you. A relation, perhaps?”

Alexandros frowned and did not immediately answer. When he did, he sounded more thoughtful than not. “Kaia is a lover, perhaps the best I have ever been with. I’m not sure what I want her to be to me, nor what she wants me to be for her, but I do know that I want to keep her close. As for the Marikas girl from tonight, while perhaps at first I had thought to flirt and try my hand at wooing her, her immediate response was to insult me, to call me little more than a tool. So, I decided to have some fun, to break that little sheltered, privileged shell right off of her, and expose the soft, scared girl underneath. It would have worked too, if that bastard hadn’t shown up.”

Aea was, at first, surprised by his answer. She had not been expecting him to share his enjoyment of his and Kaia's activities. Less surprising was that he was manipulative and sadistic, and that he was not as sure of his affections as Kaia was, so Aea focused on those ideas instead.

Aea propped her elbow on her knee and her chin in her palm, her attention riveted to him as she listened, not at all fabricating her interest in his wicked nature. Darkness was, after all, intriguing. Forbidden and unknown. Such things had always fascinated mortals, and she was no exception. She was, however, perhaps more familiar with it than he was, as was apparent by his honesty. Fascinating as it was, Kaia deserved warmth and gentleness, and she would not get that with this man.

Kaia had been toying with the idea of marrying Alexandros, while Alexandros did not know what he wanted Kaia to be to him. This had been clear in his attempted seduction of the Marikas girl which had, indeed, been the initial action that began the issues in the chamber. He reared at the slightest insult, but enjoyed hurting others, which meant that his injury of Kaia was likely intentional, just as Aea had first assumed.

He was playing some sort of mind game on Aea’s cousin, but it would not work. Even if Aea were not present to watch her cousin’s back, Kaia was far too intelligent and valued herself too highly to fall for the same tricks her uncles had used on them since they were children.

Apparently, though, Alexandros considered Kaia the best lover he'd ever had. He had been mostly honest thus far, and so there was no reason for him to be dishonest now. Aea considered this new notion. She had less contextual knowledge of intimacy than she had of violence, which left her without knowing how to interpret such a claim. Kaia only had one lover before Alexandros, while Aea assumed Alexandros had far more. What could Kaia have done to be the best lover he'd ever had?

She could not even begin to guess—according to Merdia the Whore and every pair of goats Aea had seen, sex was something you did when you liked somebody enough to waste time on them. Physically, it was a rather simple series of actions that felt nice enough to go out of one's way to do every once in a while. One mounted, wiggled about, then stopped once one tired of it. There did not seem to be many things one could do to endear another to them upon a shifting scale of quality. Perhaps it was not what Kaia did, but how it made him...feel? What did that mean, then?

She wanted to ask, but bit down on the impulse. That was none of her business, and it didn't matter in any case. Her concern was not how sex made people feel, her concern was with making sure sex with her cousin did not end in her cousin being hurt.

"Ah, I see. My mistake, then. I did not mean to intrude into your intimate life," she said, willing away the dozens of questions she had. She would ask Kaia when Kaia was over her hurt.

"However, I’ve not met many who enjoy cruelty to such a degree that breaking minds could be considered a ‘fun’ pastime. I would tell you to try your hand at breaking me open, but I’m quite tender-hearted and would surely begin sobbing, which would be counterproductive to my own intentions,” Aea quipped. He wouldn't find anything she did not want him to find anyway.

She tired of this game. And so, deciding that she would quit fattening herself on self-indulgence, Aea crossed her legs and dropped her charade. When next she spoke, it was without an accent. “I hope you feel calmer now. Kaia won't be coming, but I wanted to get you outside before something drastic occurred. I’m glad I finally got to meet the infamous Alexandros. My cousin has told me so much about you.”

She did not smile or otherwise display any smugness, for she was not smug. Lying to people was not something she enjoyed, but very rarely was she allowed to be honest in her home life. Here, in the world of civilized people, her honesty would see her arrested at best. An asshole Alexandros may be, but she could admire that he was at least a mostly forthcoming one. She'd gotten what she wanted, and now she would be honest too. A heavy weight was shed off her shoulders at the prospect.

She assumed he would get angry at being tricked. Most people did not appreciate it. Let him. He would find poor sport in her, for she was neither hot-headed nor temperamental when insulted—she was used to it. If he wanted to hit her, she welcomed his fury, for she was used to that as well. It would be a foolish decision, but he was welcome to it all the same. If he was lucky, he'd be walking back into the chamber with a broken nose if he earned it. Now that she was being honest, she would not hold herself back if he would not.

Aea would take no pleasure in telling her cousin everything that she learned. Not the least of which was that Alexandros believed Kaia's primarily identifiable trait to be her skill in the bedroom—and that he identified her as such to strangers. Kaia, who had once been very hurt at the idea that she would make a successful whore, would seethe at Alexandros’ assertion. Kaia did not care how much he enjoyed her body or her face. Kaia cared whether he valued her for the things that couldn’t be seen or touched. Her kindness, her consideration, her skill, her determination—none of the things that had been summarized to describe her.

It would anger her, and it would hurt her, but the truth was never comfortable or warm.

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Aug 1, 2021 23:42:30 GMT

Posted In Heartbreaker on Aug 1, 2021 23:42:30 GMT

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