The conversation had not been an easy one to have. But it was rare that conversations that were necessary were also easy. In order for her to move on, to find some sort of way forward after the loss she had dealt with. It had been an effort to find control, to make sure that the situation ended on her terms. She had said her peace, had begged Thea to take care of herself, and had left the girl. Now, standing outside the door, she was having a hard time walking away.

Vangelis was gone.

The King was gone.

And soon, she would be gone, too. Everything that she had hoped for, had prayed for, was done. She would not be a Kotas, nor would she be the Queen of Colchis. The conversations between Yanni and Tython deepened the wound, because she had been looking forward to having the pair to rely on as she settled in. They had given her hope that she was meant for the role she had accepted, and that was no longer the case. No matter how prepared, how devout she was, it appeared that the Gods had a different plan in mind.

But it was so hard to accept that with grace.

She felt worn down, her emotions after the conversation all over the place. But, she had gathered herself enough to know that she would be able to make it out the doors of the manor without showing her sadness. Selene felt like, as long as she did not run into anyone else, she would have been fine.

It was at that moment that she heard Zanon’s voice, and the knot in her throat appeared once more. Her eyes closed, she took a deep breath before turning towards him. It would be obvious to him that she had, at one point, allowed herself the weakness to cry. Eyes rimmed in red, she started in his direction, almost appreciating the smile on his face. But then, without any hesitation, he called her sister. And it was as if the knife was driven a little deeper into her chest.

“I have provided her with council, is all.” She said, her hand moving to brush a tear that the word had brought on. “Though sister, it would seem, I am not.” She was at an arm’s length from him, unsure exactly how to move on in this situation. Anger had passed, sadness creeping in the longer she stared at him. As hard as she tried, she could not get the words out.

‘I wanted nothing more than to be your sister’. The thought was silent, the lump too thick to allow it to be spoken.

It was apparent that Zanon was disappointed in his brother, that things had happened the way that they had. Perhaps she had underestimated just how close she had Zanon had gotten over the past few months. It was only now, it seemed, when she was losing the connection, that it was hard and real. In front of her was the only person she’d ever considered to be like a brother. She had been excited for the chance to get to know him as family. She had been looking forward to bonding with him and his family.

The loss of that was almost too painful to handle.

Her hand reached out to his, still not noticing the injuries there. “Do not be so hard on him.” She said softly, almost betting that Vangelis was angry enough at himself. She had heard the rumors of the Thanasi, had seen a bit of it at that initial dinner. Selene knew that the last thing that the Kingdom would need was a family divided. “It was a difficult position. He had to choose what he felt was right. His first concern is always the kingdom, always the future.” Squeezing his hand, she sighed, “I could not handle the idea of my child fighting to know where he belongs. A child that may have a chance to rule in place of my own is not a future I would put on my son in.”

She would not want her child to ever doubt his place. “That is not a fair thing to say.” Her other hand slipped into his. “He loves you and trusts you with his life. And he did this for the love of his people, for the love of his kingdom. The chance of a bastard wanting to take a throne that they feel belongs to them-- what would it do to the people? To the Kingdom? Love has to be selfless, Zanon.” She smiled through her red eyes. “And if this action was not a selfless example of how he feels about the kingdom, then I would not want him anyway.”

All of the time that she’d spent with Vangelis had shown her just how deeply he did love. Perhaps not openly, but he did it in the way that he knew how. “You are at a crossroads, brother.” She said softly, allowing herself the moment of indulgence to treat him as the brother she thought he would be. “You can make a difference in how this plays out. And I must ask a favor of you, too.”

He did not need to understand why she was choosing to handle this in the way that she was, trying to forgive those involved so that she could move on. She had to find some sort of peace in this, else she would find herself unmarried and a spinster with a bitter heart. She did not wish for her sisters to find happiness, to be left on the side as a burden to her family. Selene had certainly hoped for love and devotion with every fiber of her being. But she also believed that there was little to do when the will of the Gods came into play.

So while Zanon could not see why she had been so keen to forgive, Selene simply could not imagine a world where she did anything but that. She could spend her days hating, or she could spend them with those who loved her, and perhaps she would be able to heal. There was no chance of a marriage built on love now, not with how deep her emotions ran for Vangelis. But perhaps she could find a quiet friendship with her husband. She could fall in love with the family they would make together. And maybe that could be enough.

She hadn’t considered how deeply the knowledge of knowing that Zanon would have claimed the baby so that she could stay would hurt. The dagger drove straight through her heart, lodged in place as she tried to hold back tears. “How would that have been for him, brother? To watch as someone else raised his child? And what of any children we might have had? Would he spite them a little, care for them less because he could not show anything but the affection of an uncle to his blood?” The gesture, however sweet it may have been, could have broken the pair. “And what of me? Do you think I could stand by and watch that happen? To know what I would know without it breaking me? It is better this way, though I know you don’t agree with that.”

Selene wouldn’t try to change his mind about Thea, not when it was so apparent that there was no point. She chose to believe the woman, to know that she didn’t want to be stuck in the life she now found herself in. In the private walk in the gardens, the Thanasi had little reason to lie to her Leventi companion. There was nothing to be bought from it, and Selene had watched the girl long enough to know that her tears had been real. So instead of trying to change his mind, she moved the topic towards her wish of him.

“You do not have to make her life easier, if you do not wish it. But please, for me-- do not make it harder. You do not have to be her ally, but do not be her enemy either.” Her other hand reached up to his cheek, a sisterly move of affection. “She may struggle, but please do add to it because you think I am owed it. I have forgiven her, and I would hope that you would respect me enough to accept that.” Her thumb brushed his cheek, the smile on her face a bit forced through her pain. “You are always welcome in Macendia, Zanon. Once he returns, I will demand you visit with your new prince or princess. I shall pick out the finest pony to send back with you and Evras. Promise you’ll write?” She asked him, wrapping her arm around his waist, needing the comfort only a brother might provide.

It was incredibly impossible for Selene to try and change the opinion of the younger brother. After all, Selene had only known Vangelis a few months, while Zanon had known him his whole life. But while Zanon seemed to think it was indifference that led his brother to be distant around his family, Selene had a feeling that it had been for another reason altogether. From what she had noticed about Vangelis, in the time she’d spent with him, was that he felt it was his duty to keep people at an arm’s reach. With so many brothers behind him in birth order, he felt dispensable. He mentioned it time and time again, without a single afterthought to the way it sounded.

How sharply had he defended his brother, even at her innocent teasing.

How quick was he to deny himself any sort of future, save for attempting to control a situation so out of his control in the first place.

He did not think he would survive another war.

It was a crushing thing to realize, one that she would have demanded answers to had they still been engaged. He was always focusing on everyone else around him, on how he could ensure their lives would be easier if he was not around. He was chasing death, to the point where isolation was the only way to protect himself. She was almost certain that he did not build relationships because he was too worried over how those left behind would recover. After all, that had been the very reason he hadn’t wished to try for an heir with her before he left. He had told her that he wanted to ensure that she could still find a potential husband if he did not return. His concern over her future, of her wellbeing, was plain as day to her. He cared for her, in the only way he knew how.

She had wanted a chance to show him that letting people in didn’t make a person weak. But it was no longer her position to do that, nor was she sure that Zanon would take any sort of interest in that. He was angry with his brother, though it was hard to tell if it was just for her sake or because of something else. Tempted to press him for more, Selene decided against it. The wounds were too fresh, and whatever had happened between the two was destined to stay between them. It was simply not her place to press for clarification.

Her heart ached, knowing that she was partially to blame for this rift between brothers. But it was not something she could fix, either. Perhaps if she truly was his sister, by marriage, she could meddle and it would be acceptable. Now? There was nothing she could say that would feel right. And she certainly couldn’t berate him for deciding to leave instead as soon as his family was safe. “I will have to visit. I did not get much of a chance to see the country. Tell me when you are settled and if I am able, I shall come as quickly as I can.” It was not a promise made out of kindness. She did wish to spend time with Zanon and his family, and it would be safe enough that the chances of running into Vangelis would be minimal.

“I will be leaving with my family in the morning. And I am hoping to convince my father to allow me to quit the city for a while.” She didn’t think she needed to make mention of the reason. Her heart ached, and while it hadn’t been announced by either families yet, she knew the rumors that surrounded her leaving. Returning to her home would only show that she, once again, had been unsuccessful at securing a marriage for herself. Yet again. The sting of this one was all the worse, and she took a deep breath so that the tears would not fall again.

Never had she felt like such a failure as she did now.

“I love you, Zanon. I’ve never had a brother, but I imagine that this is what it would have been like for me to have one.” Embracing him, she knew that this really was the final goodbye. She knew she could leave full of regrets, but at least with the page of this chapter closed. “Do not hold onto your anger so tightly. The Gods have a plan, and I have faith in that, if nothing else. You should, too.” She pulled back slightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Give my love to Dion and Evras. My mother will be wondering where I am.” It was a good excuse, but she did not think she could make it to his wife without crying.

She was ready for her moment alone to mourn.