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Everything was confusing all of the time. Every morning she would wake up feeling ill. Her head would hurt, her body would ache. Some days she just slept. But other days Nem would give her medicine. He’d tell her things, lots of things. Sometimes she liked it, she would giggle and laugh and everything would be great. Other times she said something and Nem would make her have more medicine. This only led to the child being confused.
Now she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
Kesi slept…. A lot. Wait, was it Kesi? Or was it… was it… what was it again? That didn’t matter. Kesi slept all the time. Sometimes her momm- mama would wake her up to eat and bathe and then she would go right back to sleep. Sometimes that bo- her brother would wake her up for some medicine. Then it was sleep. But this morning Kesi wasn’t asleep. For once when the light poured in, it was by her own will that her eyes opened.
She was staring at the toys in the room. There were lots of toys for a little girl. They looked like they were played with a lot. Kesi reached for one in particular. This was the first time she ever showed a real interest in this room and the items in it except for when she hid a necklace… which now she can’t even remember why she did that.
The doll was made of papyrus reed and was stuffed. Kesi frowned, running a hand over it. She wanted it. It made her… feel like a kid. Being a kid was much easier than being scared. She just wanted to be happy and excited. She wanted to go on adventures as other kids did. She wanted to play. She wanted to have fun. Staying in a room and sleeping was boring. She wanted to be like everyone else…
She didn’t want to cry anymore.
Kesi hugged the doll to her and looked around some more. There were other toys like a ball and a wooden horse. Kesi didn’t like horses though, so she tucked it way in the back so she wouldn’t have to see it. She looked at the wall and saw some dried paint. How did she not notice this before? It was a very crude painting of… a circus? Kesi ran her fingers on the paint. Did she do this? Kesi lost so many memories. But she must have really loved the circus. She played it a lot with her brother, so he says. They did it a couple times after she had her medicine, but it was hard to have fun when her mind was so, so foggy.
There’s that word again. Fun. Kesi snuggled the doll. She used to have fun, didn’t she? Maybe she should have some more fun. That’s what healthy people do. And it would be nice… to see Nem smile.
Kesi went to where her clothes were. They were getting looser and looser with each passing day. She was losing a lot of weight, and she felt even shorter even though she wasn’t. Maybe she should eat. That would get her strength back right? Then she could stop taking gross medicine. And maybe she won’t cry anymore either…
Kesi put on the clothes the best she could, tying it as tightly as possible and picked the doll back up. She was nervous now as she stared at the door. Normally it was locked. But Kesi didn’t want to be stuck in here. She wanted… she wanted to play.
She pushed at the door and surprisingly it was open. Kesi peeked left and right and didn’t see anyone. She wandered out, hiding most of her face with the doll she was hugging so tightly so that only her eyes were really peeking out. She took a few tentative steps in one direction. She looked around. She never explored the house before. Usually, she was taken to her brother’s room and then back to her own. This was… different.
She found what would be her parent’s room, but they weren’t there right now. It was good. She didn’t much like her father. He was mean. He hit her. Kesi didn’t like him. Mama was okay. She helped her a lot. She didn’t hurt Kesi. But she didn’t let Kesi leave either, even when she had wanted to.
Kesi wandered from room to room. This was a surprisingly big home. They must have lots of money. Papa ran a circus, so maybe the circus was really, really successful. Kesi wanted to see the circus. The way Nem talked about it made it seem like it was magic. Magic sounded… fun.
Kesi’s stomach grumbled. She looked down at it. She should try to find where food was at. Moving a little more quickly now she headed down to one end of the house and found what looked like would be a kitchen. In the kitchen there was a little slave who looked like had the door open so they could push the dirty things outside. Kesi felt her heartbeat rise. It was loud, thumping wildly. This was her chance. She could run. She could finally be free, completely away from here. No more medicine, no more mama, papa, or Nem. She could be… alone.
But Kesi didn’t want that. Dark, round eyes grew even larger as they bore into the door. It sounded scary being alone. She wouldn’t have anyone to protect her. And dadd-papa would be mad. And Nem spent a lot of time with her so he might be sad. And mama doesn’t like when Kesi goes near outside doors. She got furious every time Kesi managed to go near one.
Kesi took a few backward steps before she felt herself collide into another body. She jumped and turned around, seeing Nem. When did he get there? Kesi looked down guilty, tucking her face even more to the doll as if it was a shield. “I was hungry, Nem. I wanted grapes. But mama doesn’t like me going near outside doors…” She mumbled biting her wobbling lip. She won’t cry. No more crying. She just wanted to have fun. “I thought maybe I could eat grapes and… and play.” Her voice was so quiet. She did something bad, didn’t she? She wasn’t allowed to leave her room right? That’s why it was always locked… “I don’t need more medicine. I’m just hungry…” She didn’t want more medicine. She hated it. She wished it would stop. “I… I can go back to my room…”
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Jul 12, 2020 14:09:10 GMT
Posted In Progression on Jul 12, 2020 14:09:10 GMT
This character is currently a work in progress.
Check out their information page here.
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Everything was confusing all of the time. Every morning she would wake up feeling ill. Her head would hurt, her body would ache. Some days she just slept. But other days Nem would give her medicine. He’d tell her things, lots of things. Sometimes she liked it, she would giggle and laugh and everything would be great. Other times she said something and Nem would make her have more medicine. This only led to the child being confused.
Now she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
Kesi slept…. A lot. Wait, was it Kesi? Or was it… was it… what was it again? That didn’t matter. Kesi slept all the time. Sometimes her momm- mama would wake her up to eat and bathe and then she would go right back to sleep. Sometimes that bo- her brother would wake her up for some medicine. Then it was sleep. But this morning Kesi wasn’t asleep. For once when the light poured in, it was by her own will that her eyes opened.
She was staring at the toys in the room. There were lots of toys for a little girl. They looked like they were played with a lot. Kesi reached for one in particular. This was the first time she ever showed a real interest in this room and the items in it except for when she hid a necklace… which now she can’t even remember why she did that.
The doll was made of papyrus reed and was stuffed. Kesi frowned, running a hand over it. She wanted it. It made her… feel like a kid. Being a kid was much easier than being scared. She just wanted to be happy and excited. She wanted to go on adventures as other kids did. She wanted to play. She wanted to have fun. Staying in a room and sleeping was boring. She wanted to be like everyone else…
She didn’t want to cry anymore.
Kesi hugged the doll to her and looked around some more. There were other toys like a ball and a wooden horse. Kesi didn’t like horses though, so she tucked it way in the back so she wouldn’t have to see it. She looked at the wall and saw some dried paint. How did she not notice this before? It was a very crude painting of… a circus? Kesi ran her fingers on the paint. Did she do this? Kesi lost so many memories. But she must have really loved the circus. She played it a lot with her brother, so he says. They did it a couple times after she had her medicine, but it was hard to have fun when her mind was so, so foggy.
There’s that word again. Fun. Kesi snuggled the doll. She used to have fun, didn’t she? Maybe she should have some more fun. That’s what healthy people do. And it would be nice… to see Nem smile.
Kesi went to where her clothes were. They were getting looser and looser with each passing day. She was losing a lot of weight, and she felt even shorter even though she wasn’t. Maybe she should eat. That would get her strength back right? Then she could stop taking gross medicine. And maybe she won’t cry anymore either…
Kesi put on the clothes the best she could, tying it as tightly as possible and picked the doll back up. She was nervous now as she stared at the door. Normally it was locked. But Kesi didn’t want to be stuck in here. She wanted… she wanted to play.
She pushed at the door and surprisingly it was open. Kesi peeked left and right and didn’t see anyone. She wandered out, hiding most of her face with the doll she was hugging so tightly so that only her eyes were really peeking out. She took a few tentative steps in one direction. She looked around. She never explored the house before. Usually, she was taken to her brother’s room and then back to her own. This was… different.
She found what would be her parent’s room, but they weren’t there right now. It was good. She didn’t much like her father. He was mean. He hit her. Kesi didn’t like him. Mama was okay. She helped her a lot. She didn’t hurt Kesi. But she didn’t let Kesi leave either, even when she had wanted to.
Kesi wandered from room to room. This was a surprisingly big home. They must have lots of money. Papa ran a circus, so maybe the circus was really, really successful. Kesi wanted to see the circus. The way Nem talked about it made it seem like it was magic. Magic sounded… fun.
Kesi’s stomach grumbled. She looked down at it. She should try to find where food was at. Moving a little more quickly now she headed down to one end of the house and found what looked like would be a kitchen. In the kitchen there was a little slave who looked like had the door open so they could push the dirty things outside. Kesi felt her heartbeat rise. It was loud, thumping wildly. This was her chance. She could run. She could finally be free, completely away from here. No more medicine, no more mama, papa, or Nem. She could be… alone.
But Kesi didn’t want that. Dark, round eyes grew even larger as they bore into the door. It sounded scary being alone. She wouldn’t have anyone to protect her. And dadd-papa would be mad. And Nem spent a lot of time with her so he might be sad. And mama doesn’t like when Kesi goes near outside doors. She got furious every time Kesi managed to go near one.
Kesi took a few backward steps before she felt herself collide into another body. She jumped and turned around, seeing Nem. When did he get there? Kesi looked down guilty, tucking her face even more to the doll as if it was a shield. “I was hungry, Nem. I wanted grapes. But mama doesn’t like me going near outside doors…” She mumbled biting her wobbling lip. She won’t cry. No more crying. She just wanted to have fun. “I thought maybe I could eat grapes and… and play.” Her voice was so quiet. She did something bad, didn’t she? She wasn’t allowed to leave her room right? That’s why it was always locked… “I don’t need more medicine. I’m just hungry…” She didn’t want more medicine. She hated it. She wished it would stop. “I… I can go back to my room…”
Everything was confusing all of the time. Every morning she would wake up feeling ill. Her head would hurt, her body would ache. Some days she just slept. But other days Nem would give her medicine. He’d tell her things, lots of things. Sometimes she liked it, she would giggle and laugh and everything would be great. Other times she said something and Nem would make her have more medicine. This only led to the child being confused.
Now she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
Kesi slept…. A lot. Wait, was it Kesi? Or was it… was it… what was it again? That didn’t matter. Kesi slept all the time. Sometimes her momm- mama would wake her up to eat and bathe and then she would go right back to sleep. Sometimes that bo- her brother would wake her up for some medicine. Then it was sleep. But this morning Kesi wasn’t asleep. For once when the light poured in, it was by her own will that her eyes opened.
She was staring at the toys in the room. There were lots of toys for a little girl. They looked like they were played with a lot. Kesi reached for one in particular. This was the first time she ever showed a real interest in this room and the items in it except for when she hid a necklace… which now she can’t even remember why she did that.
The doll was made of papyrus reed and was stuffed. Kesi frowned, running a hand over it. She wanted it. It made her… feel like a kid. Being a kid was much easier than being scared. She just wanted to be happy and excited. She wanted to go on adventures as other kids did. She wanted to play. She wanted to have fun. Staying in a room and sleeping was boring. She wanted to be like everyone else…
She didn’t want to cry anymore.
Kesi hugged the doll to her and looked around some more. There were other toys like a ball and a wooden horse. Kesi didn’t like horses though, so she tucked it way in the back so she wouldn’t have to see it. She looked at the wall and saw some dried paint. How did she not notice this before? It was a very crude painting of… a circus? Kesi ran her fingers on the paint. Did she do this? Kesi lost so many memories. But she must have really loved the circus. She played it a lot with her brother, so he says. They did it a couple times after she had her medicine, but it was hard to have fun when her mind was so, so foggy.
There’s that word again. Fun. Kesi snuggled the doll. She used to have fun, didn’t she? Maybe she should have some more fun. That’s what healthy people do. And it would be nice… to see Nem smile.
Kesi went to where her clothes were. They were getting looser and looser with each passing day. She was losing a lot of weight, and she felt even shorter even though she wasn’t. Maybe she should eat. That would get her strength back right? Then she could stop taking gross medicine. And maybe she won’t cry anymore either…
Kesi put on the clothes the best she could, tying it as tightly as possible and picked the doll back up. She was nervous now as she stared at the door. Normally it was locked. But Kesi didn’t want to be stuck in here. She wanted… she wanted to play.
She pushed at the door and surprisingly it was open. Kesi peeked left and right and didn’t see anyone. She wandered out, hiding most of her face with the doll she was hugging so tightly so that only her eyes were really peeking out. She took a few tentative steps in one direction. She looked around. She never explored the house before. Usually, she was taken to her brother’s room and then back to her own. This was… different.
She found what would be her parent’s room, but they weren’t there right now. It was good. She didn’t much like her father. He was mean. He hit her. Kesi didn’t like him. Mama was okay. She helped her a lot. She didn’t hurt Kesi. But she didn’t let Kesi leave either, even when she had wanted to.
Kesi wandered from room to room. This was a surprisingly big home. They must have lots of money. Papa ran a circus, so maybe the circus was really, really successful. Kesi wanted to see the circus. The way Nem talked about it made it seem like it was magic. Magic sounded… fun.
Kesi’s stomach grumbled. She looked down at it. She should try to find where food was at. Moving a little more quickly now she headed down to one end of the house and found what looked like would be a kitchen. In the kitchen there was a little slave who looked like had the door open so they could push the dirty things outside. Kesi felt her heartbeat rise. It was loud, thumping wildly. This was her chance. She could run. She could finally be free, completely away from here. No more medicine, no more mama, papa, or Nem. She could be… alone.
But Kesi didn’t want that. Dark, round eyes grew even larger as they bore into the door. It sounded scary being alone. She wouldn’t have anyone to protect her. And dadd-papa would be mad. And Nem spent a lot of time with her so he might be sad. And mama doesn’t like when Kesi goes near outside doors. She got furious every time Kesi managed to go near one.
Kesi took a few backward steps before she felt herself collide into another body. She jumped and turned around, seeing Nem. When did he get there? Kesi looked down guilty, tucking her face even more to the doll as if it was a shield. “I was hungry, Nem. I wanted grapes. But mama doesn’t like me going near outside doors…” She mumbled biting her wobbling lip. She won’t cry. No more crying. She just wanted to have fun. “I thought maybe I could eat grapes and… and play.” Her voice was so quiet. She did something bad, didn’t she? She wasn’t allowed to leave her room right? That’s why it was always locked… “I don’t need more medicine. I’m just hungry…” She didn’t want more medicine. She hated it. She wished it would stop. “I… I can go back to my room…”
Being coerced by his father to manipulate the mind of this Issa girl was a strange venture for Nem. While part of him took a strange pleasure in the act itself, there was another that resented the man for it. Why was this hisresponsibility? Amenemhat was just a child, a boy not well-learned in these matters and it was possibly dangerous for him to participate in this. He'd heard tell of the doctor, of the man Rekhmire and his father before him. They, surely, would be more apt at twisting the girl to his ends? If Issa needed to be turned into something else, to be moulded for mother's sake, then why put the matter in the hands of a child? He wanted to care about the girl who would become his sister, to let go and allow himself to get to know the new Kesi.
But, he couldn't. Not... yet.
There was the normal detachment from the matter, the need to distance himself and render himself a tool to the task. It was an approach he'd read in the books, a means by which to suppress a natural inclination to feel sympathy for another human being. While it was easy at first, for Amenemhat to do this, he felt as time went on and the new Kesi spent more and more time within the house... well, it was for his mother's sake that he allowed himself to become attached. It would be odd, for him to cease playing with the girl, to grow cold and aloof to her presence when the dead Kesi was his only friend.
What should I do?
The question was in his thoughts in perpetuity, and it was lucky for him that his father was gone. He wouldn't see the conflict brewing within the child, the desire to stop what he was doing. But, he did it all the same. He subjected the girl to dose after dose, working in the thoughts of her new life, the inclinations that Kesi had, her habits... She'd become the perfect little substitute and mother would see the doppelganger replace her daughter entirely, blissfully ignorant of the reality of the situation.
Today was a day absent of the need to lull her into the pliable state. Her mind was given time to stretch into its new bounds, and Amenemhat wanted to see her state of mind. If she continued to be Issa, then he'd approach his father about it in the next couple of weeks when he was due to return. Nem heard footsteps in the distance, a familiar thing. Kesi liked trying to go outside against his mother's wishes. What sort of little girl wouldn't? Was there a modicum of sympathy for her, building at last? Nem narrowed his gaze for a moment, drawing closer to the girl until... She backed away from the door without touching it.
Was she getting used to her limitations? Or did she hear his approach and pull away to save face? He didn't have to wait for an answer. She bumped into him, backing away straight into him. The situation was almost comical. She explained herself without being asked, a reasonable explanation given the fact that mother had gone to the market to purchase the groceries they needed replenished. Her lip seemed to quiver, she seemed to refuse to make eye contact with him. How frightened was she? Nem was intrigued, but he decided to let the question that permeated his thoughts go. Instead, he offered his sister a smile.
"You won't find grapes outside, silly. But, we can go outside and play," he offered, pulling at his sister's hand before coaxing her away from the door. He took her to the kitchen. She was too small to reach over the counter, but Nem was not. He was growing taller, and stronger, and mom didn't have to help him get things anymore. At least, not the easy stuff. He took the bowl that rested on the counter, offering it to his sister. When she took it, he took a vine for himself before he assured her,
"No medicine today. You don't need to go back to your room, either. Do you want to play circus, Kesi? Or something else? You don't need to be scared or stay away from me," he assured her.
She's scared. It's a normal reaction to being put under the pressure her brain's under. But... she's my sister, now. I should try to reach out, right?
However, deep within Amenemhat's skull, the thoughts languished.
She's an impostor. A lie. She's a doppelganger come to haunt you. Kesi is DEAD, and this Issa is a LIE. You could kill her. Mother would just think she ran away.
Nem blinked twice, his eyes wide at the thought before he shook his head, the smile shaky upon his features as he said,
"Eat, and then we play."
This character is currently a work in progress.
Check out their information page here.
This character is currently a work in progress.
Check out their information page here.
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Being coerced by his father to manipulate the mind of this Issa girl was a strange venture for Nem. While part of him took a strange pleasure in the act itself, there was another that resented the man for it. Why was this hisresponsibility? Amenemhat was just a child, a boy not well-learned in these matters and it was possibly dangerous for him to participate in this. He'd heard tell of the doctor, of the man Rekhmire and his father before him. They, surely, would be more apt at twisting the girl to his ends? If Issa needed to be turned into something else, to be moulded for mother's sake, then why put the matter in the hands of a child? He wanted to care about the girl who would become his sister, to let go and allow himself to get to know the new Kesi.
But, he couldn't. Not... yet.
There was the normal detachment from the matter, the need to distance himself and render himself a tool to the task. It was an approach he'd read in the books, a means by which to suppress a natural inclination to feel sympathy for another human being. While it was easy at first, for Amenemhat to do this, he felt as time went on and the new Kesi spent more and more time within the house... well, it was for his mother's sake that he allowed himself to become attached. It would be odd, for him to cease playing with the girl, to grow cold and aloof to her presence when the dead Kesi was his only friend.
What should I do?
The question was in his thoughts in perpetuity, and it was lucky for him that his father was gone. He wouldn't see the conflict brewing within the child, the desire to stop what he was doing. But, he did it all the same. He subjected the girl to dose after dose, working in the thoughts of her new life, the inclinations that Kesi had, her habits... She'd become the perfect little substitute and mother would see the doppelganger replace her daughter entirely, blissfully ignorant of the reality of the situation.
Today was a day absent of the need to lull her into the pliable state. Her mind was given time to stretch into its new bounds, and Amenemhat wanted to see her state of mind. If she continued to be Issa, then he'd approach his father about it in the next couple of weeks when he was due to return. Nem heard footsteps in the distance, a familiar thing. Kesi liked trying to go outside against his mother's wishes. What sort of little girl wouldn't? Was there a modicum of sympathy for her, building at last? Nem narrowed his gaze for a moment, drawing closer to the girl until... She backed away from the door without touching it.
Was she getting used to her limitations? Or did she hear his approach and pull away to save face? He didn't have to wait for an answer. She bumped into him, backing away straight into him. The situation was almost comical. She explained herself without being asked, a reasonable explanation given the fact that mother had gone to the market to purchase the groceries they needed replenished. Her lip seemed to quiver, she seemed to refuse to make eye contact with him. How frightened was she? Nem was intrigued, but he decided to let the question that permeated his thoughts go. Instead, he offered his sister a smile.
"You won't find grapes outside, silly. But, we can go outside and play," he offered, pulling at his sister's hand before coaxing her away from the door. He took her to the kitchen. She was too small to reach over the counter, but Nem was not. He was growing taller, and stronger, and mom didn't have to help him get things anymore. At least, not the easy stuff. He took the bowl that rested on the counter, offering it to his sister. When she took it, he took a vine for himself before he assured her,
"No medicine today. You don't need to go back to your room, either. Do you want to play circus, Kesi? Or something else? You don't need to be scared or stay away from me," he assured her.
She's scared. It's a normal reaction to being put under the pressure her brain's under. But... she's my sister, now. I should try to reach out, right?
However, deep within Amenemhat's skull, the thoughts languished.
She's an impostor. A lie. She's a doppelganger come to haunt you. Kesi is DEAD, and this Issa is a LIE. You could kill her. Mother would just think she ran away.
Nem blinked twice, his eyes wide at the thought before he shook his head, the smile shaky upon his features as he said,
"Eat, and then we play."
Being coerced by his father to manipulate the mind of this Issa girl was a strange venture for Nem. While part of him took a strange pleasure in the act itself, there was another that resented the man for it. Why was this hisresponsibility? Amenemhat was just a child, a boy not well-learned in these matters and it was possibly dangerous for him to participate in this. He'd heard tell of the doctor, of the man Rekhmire and his father before him. They, surely, would be more apt at twisting the girl to his ends? If Issa needed to be turned into something else, to be moulded for mother's sake, then why put the matter in the hands of a child? He wanted to care about the girl who would become his sister, to let go and allow himself to get to know the new Kesi.
But, he couldn't. Not... yet.
There was the normal detachment from the matter, the need to distance himself and render himself a tool to the task. It was an approach he'd read in the books, a means by which to suppress a natural inclination to feel sympathy for another human being. While it was easy at first, for Amenemhat to do this, he felt as time went on and the new Kesi spent more and more time within the house... well, it was for his mother's sake that he allowed himself to become attached. It would be odd, for him to cease playing with the girl, to grow cold and aloof to her presence when the dead Kesi was his only friend.
What should I do?
The question was in his thoughts in perpetuity, and it was lucky for him that his father was gone. He wouldn't see the conflict brewing within the child, the desire to stop what he was doing. But, he did it all the same. He subjected the girl to dose after dose, working in the thoughts of her new life, the inclinations that Kesi had, her habits... She'd become the perfect little substitute and mother would see the doppelganger replace her daughter entirely, blissfully ignorant of the reality of the situation.
Today was a day absent of the need to lull her into the pliable state. Her mind was given time to stretch into its new bounds, and Amenemhat wanted to see her state of mind. If she continued to be Issa, then he'd approach his father about it in the next couple of weeks when he was due to return. Nem heard footsteps in the distance, a familiar thing. Kesi liked trying to go outside against his mother's wishes. What sort of little girl wouldn't? Was there a modicum of sympathy for her, building at last? Nem narrowed his gaze for a moment, drawing closer to the girl until... She backed away from the door without touching it.
Was she getting used to her limitations? Or did she hear his approach and pull away to save face? He didn't have to wait for an answer. She bumped into him, backing away straight into him. The situation was almost comical. She explained herself without being asked, a reasonable explanation given the fact that mother had gone to the market to purchase the groceries they needed replenished. Her lip seemed to quiver, she seemed to refuse to make eye contact with him. How frightened was she? Nem was intrigued, but he decided to let the question that permeated his thoughts go. Instead, he offered his sister a smile.
"You won't find grapes outside, silly. But, we can go outside and play," he offered, pulling at his sister's hand before coaxing her away from the door. He took her to the kitchen. She was too small to reach over the counter, but Nem was not. He was growing taller, and stronger, and mom didn't have to help him get things anymore. At least, not the easy stuff. He took the bowl that rested on the counter, offering it to his sister. When she took it, he took a vine for himself before he assured her,
"No medicine today. You don't need to go back to your room, either. Do you want to play circus, Kesi? Or something else? You don't need to be scared or stay away from me," he assured her.
She's scared. It's a normal reaction to being put under the pressure her brain's under. But... she's my sister, now. I should try to reach out, right?
However, deep within Amenemhat's skull, the thoughts languished.
She's an impostor. A lie. She's a doppelganger come to haunt you. Kesi is DEAD, and this Issa is a LIE. You could kill her. Mother would just think she ran away.
Nem blinked twice, his eyes wide at the thought before he shook his head, the smile shaky upon his features as he said,
"Eat, and then we play."
Grapes were yummy but Kesi didn’t really like them right now. It wasn’t because they were bad, she liked grapes, but… because she was nervous. Her brother was being nice, but Kesi couldn’t help but feel like she did something bad. What if she upset her brother? That wouldn’t be good right? That would mean… more medicine.
No, he said no medicine today. She thought to herself as she chewed on another grape. And she didn’t do anything bad, she thought. She had her chance to run but she didn’t do it. She was a good girl and stayed inside the house. Kesi didn’t do anything bad that deserved any punishment… right?
Do you want to play circus, Kesi? Or something else.
Kesi knew of other games. There were lots of games that Kesi knew. But she didn’t want to say a single one of them. What if Nem didn’t like those games? She didn’t want him to be sad that she would only suggest bad games. It was much easier to do what he wanted. That way Kesi didn’t make him upset. If she just did the things she knew he liked then Nem won’t have any reason to be scary. He won’t give her medicine anymore either. Things were just so much… easier if she just went along with him and mama.
Kesi was tired of things being hard.
Kesi swallowed the last of her grapes. It didn’t sit well with her stomach. She was far too anxious around the boy. At least when she had her medicine it made her feel funny so she was less nervous. But she didn’t have medicine right now. Everything was crystal clear. And... that made things harder. But she couldn’t let him know that. Kesi just had to be comfortable with everything. Besides, he said… they could play outside. If they played outside together she won’t get in trouble, right? Kesi loved the outside. She had foggy memories of running all over Alexandria. Nem would run with her too right? She wished she could… recall it. Everything was so confusing.
Because I hit my head. The Nile did it. That’s what mama and Nem said. That’s why she took medicine. That’s why she would get headaches. That’s whys he would feel like… not herself. Because the Nile hurt Kesi. So Kesi should work harder, right? To get back what the Nile took?
“The circus,” Kesi finally said, muffled by her doll. She let her face get a little more seen. Her large, round brown eyes now much more clear, though she was still not done hiding yet. “I really, really like the circus.”
Kesi didn’t actually know if she liked the circus. They would play this sometimes when she was taking her medicine. But her mind was so foggy. Clearly, though, they played this a lot. She painted the circus on her walls. And the circus was Nem’s very favorite game. Papa was the ringmaster of the circus too. So it had to be very important to Kesi. Maybe as important to her as it was to Nem. Maybe this was her favorite game too. Kesi did love playing pretend. Pretend was super fun. So it wasn’t weird to think that the circus would be her favorite too.
But was it pretend? Or was there more to it. The child rocked back and forth on her feet. The more Kesi tried to remember, the more her head hurt. Her face was all scrunched up trying to pull one memory any memory from before the Nile. Anything that might tell her how she played with her brother.
Kesi’s gaze went down right again. She felt those tears once more, but she pushed them back. She wanted to stop crying. She wanted to be stronger. “I don’t remember how to play,” Kesi whispered, deep shame was evident in her voice. “I wanna remember, big brother. It’ll make you happy if I remember right? I… I don’t like being confused. I…. I know I like the circus.” She had to. It was the only thing that made sense. “If we play will I remember?” Her eyes shot back up to him. “If I play I’ll remember, right? And you’ll be happy?”
That’s all she wanted. If he was happy… Kesi would be happy. Or, at the very least… less hurt.
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Grapes were yummy but Kesi didn’t really like them right now. It wasn’t because they were bad, she liked grapes, but… because she was nervous. Her brother was being nice, but Kesi couldn’t help but feel like she did something bad. What if she upset her brother? That wouldn’t be good right? That would mean… more medicine.
No, he said no medicine today. She thought to herself as she chewed on another grape. And she didn’t do anything bad, she thought. She had her chance to run but she didn’t do it. She was a good girl and stayed inside the house. Kesi didn’t do anything bad that deserved any punishment… right?
Do you want to play circus, Kesi? Or something else.
Kesi knew of other games. There were lots of games that Kesi knew. But she didn’t want to say a single one of them. What if Nem didn’t like those games? She didn’t want him to be sad that she would only suggest bad games. It was much easier to do what he wanted. That way Kesi didn’t make him upset. If she just did the things she knew he liked then Nem won’t have any reason to be scary. He won’t give her medicine anymore either. Things were just so much… easier if she just went along with him and mama.
Kesi was tired of things being hard.
Kesi swallowed the last of her grapes. It didn’t sit well with her stomach. She was far too anxious around the boy. At least when she had her medicine it made her feel funny so she was less nervous. But she didn’t have medicine right now. Everything was crystal clear. And... that made things harder. But she couldn’t let him know that. Kesi just had to be comfortable with everything. Besides, he said… they could play outside. If they played outside together she won’t get in trouble, right? Kesi loved the outside. She had foggy memories of running all over Alexandria. Nem would run with her too right? She wished she could… recall it. Everything was so confusing.
Because I hit my head. The Nile did it. That’s what mama and Nem said. That’s why she took medicine. That’s why she would get headaches. That’s whys he would feel like… not herself. Because the Nile hurt Kesi. So Kesi should work harder, right? To get back what the Nile took?
“The circus,” Kesi finally said, muffled by her doll. She let her face get a little more seen. Her large, round brown eyes now much more clear, though she was still not done hiding yet. “I really, really like the circus.”
Kesi didn’t actually know if she liked the circus. They would play this sometimes when she was taking her medicine. But her mind was so foggy. Clearly, though, they played this a lot. She painted the circus on her walls. And the circus was Nem’s very favorite game. Papa was the ringmaster of the circus too. So it had to be very important to Kesi. Maybe as important to her as it was to Nem. Maybe this was her favorite game too. Kesi did love playing pretend. Pretend was super fun. So it wasn’t weird to think that the circus would be her favorite too.
But was it pretend? Or was there more to it. The child rocked back and forth on her feet. The more Kesi tried to remember, the more her head hurt. Her face was all scrunched up trying to pull one memory any memory from before the Nile. Anything that might tell her how she played with her brother.
Kesi’s gaze went down right again. She felt those tears once more, but she pushed them back. She wanted to stop crying. She wanted to be stronger. “I don’t remember how to play,” Kesi whispered, deep shame was evident in her voice. “I wanna remember, big brother. It’ll make you happy if I remember right? I… I don’t like being confused. I…. I know I like the circus.” She had to. It was the only thing that made sense. “If we play will I remember?” Her eyes shot back up to him. “If I play I’ll remember, right? And you’ll be happy?”
That’s all she wanted. If he was happy… Kesi would be happy. Or, at the very least… less hurt.
Grapes were yummy but Kesi didn’t really like them right now. It wasn’t because they were bad, she liked grapes, but… because she was nervous. Her brother was being nice, but Kesi couldn’t help but feel like she did something bad. What if she upset her brother? That wouldn’t be good right? That would mean… more medicine.
No, he said no medicine today. She thought to herself as she chewed on another grape. And she didn’t do anything bad, she thought. She had her chance to run but she didn’t do it. She was a good girl and stayed inside the house. Kesi didn’t do anything bad that deserved any punishment… right?
Do you want to play circus, Kesi? Or something else.
Kesi knew of other games. There were lots of games that Kesi knew. But she didn’t want to say a single one of them. What if Nem didn’t like those games? She didn’t want him to be sad that she would only suggest bad games. It was much easier to do what he wanted. That way Kesi didn’t make him upset. If she just did the things she knew he liked then Nem won’t have any reason to be scary. He won’t give her medicine anymore either. Things were just so much… easier if she just went along with him and mama.
Kesi was tired of things being hard.
Kesi swallowed the last of her grapes. It didn’t sit well with her stomach. She was far too anxious around the boy. At least when she had her medicine it made her feel funny so she was less nervous. But she didn’t have medicine right now. Everything was crystal clear. And... that made things harder. But she couldn’t let him know that. Kesi just had to be comfortable with everything. Besides, he said… they could play outside. If they played outside together she won’t get in trouble, right? Kesi loved the outside. She had foggy memories of running all over Alexandria. Nem would run with her too right? She wished she could… recall it. Everything was so confusing.
Because I hit my head. The Nile did it. That’s what mama and Nem said. That’s why she took medicine. That’s why she would get headaches. That’s whys he would feel like… not herself. Because the Nile hurt Kesi. So Kesi should work harder, right? To get back what the Nile took?
“The circus,” Kesi finally said, muffled by her doll. She let her face get a little more seen. Her large, round brown eyes now much more clear, though she was still not done hiding yet. “I really, really like the circus.”
Kesi didn’t actually know if she liked the circus. They would play this sometimes when she was taking her medicine. But her mind was so foggy. Clearly, though, they played this a lot. She painted the circus on her walls. And the circus was Nem’s very favorite game. Papa was the ringmaster of the circus too. So it had to be very important to Kesi. Maybe as important to her as it was to Nem. Maybe this was her favorite game too. Kesi did love playing pretend. Pretend was super fun. So it wasn’t weird to think that the circus would be her favorite too.
But was it pretend? Or was there more to it. The child rocked back and forth on her feet. The more Kesi tried to remember, the more her head hurt. Her face was all scrunched up trying to pull one memory any memory from before the Nile. Anything that might tell her how she played with her brother.
Kesi’s gaze went down right again. She felt those tears once more, but she pushed them back. She wanted to stop crying. She wanted to be stronger. “I don’t remember how to play,” Kesi whispered, deep shame was evident in her voice. “I wanna remember, big brother. It’ll make you happy if I remember right? I… I don’t like being confused. I…. I know I like the circus.” She had to. It was the only thing that made sense. “If we play will I remember?” Her eyes shot back up to him. “If I play I’ll remember, right? And you’ll be happy?”
That’s all she wanted. If he was happy… Kesi would be happy. Or, at the very least… less hurt.
The thought to wring this impostor's throat and deprive her of breath was not so easily torn from his mind. There was the sharp, visceral desire to do so that brought a twitch to his hands. He even lifted his arm, but rather than constrict her pulse, he brought his fingers to the top of her head, brushing the roots of her hair as he allowed himself to assess her expression. She was weary, clearly. The tired expression did not sit well on the face he was so used to seeing. She resembled Kesi so very closely, a perfect little doppelganger that was, if his grandfather's notes had anything to say about the matter, perfect for molding into whatever it was that his father wanted her to be.
She looks like my sister, but she doesn't act like her. Kesi was never scared, never so fearful of the world.
But this Issa girl couldn't really be blamed for that. If Amenemhat was inclined to feel empathy, he'd understand, but rather than being able to, he only felt lament. Lament for the sister that was gone. Lament for the chore that he was put through because his father left the coercion to him to go run his circus without them and that his mother was convinced that this girl was his sister. Then, he felt anger. He could never be angry at his mother, but Somgi of Cairo received the hidden wrath that was Amenemhat's ire. Resentment built deeper and deeper with every necessary dose plunged into this fake-sister's nostrils, with the fact that this ritual was becoming practised.
He'd enjoyed it, at first, learning a new thing that would later be of use to him. If he intended to run the circus, it came with the darkness that was prescribed to it. While a sense of disillusionment, the shattering of his perfect fantasy, rose with this ritual, it also provided him with the context for his very purpose in this world.
I am a ringmaster, he thought as he studied Kesi, as he imagined putting her face into the plume of rising opium smoke.
I am a ringmaster, he thought as his 'sister' expressed her sentiments towards the circus she'd never seen before. Amenemhat felt his purpose wax within him, the understanding of why he was forced to do what he was. Then, he released the feelings all at once. His lips curved, a wavering breath escaping his lips as he vented everything through the lens of calm.
"I don't remember how to play."
The whisper, one filled with shame at the fact that she'd forgotten.
"I want to remember, big brother."
Acceptance, in the identity given to her. Issa of wherever-the-hell was waning away, and all that was meant to remain was Kesi.
"I... I know I like the circus."
Of course you do, he wanted to tell her, to berate the tone she used of uncertainty. Everyone liked the circus once they went. It was a place where fantasy and spectacle overturned harsh reality. The circus was paradise that superseded the darkness of the moment, the dreariness of the world. Amenemhat was given a few chances to attend when it was in town, watching not only from the crowd with his mother and real sister, but from the back. He'd spoken with several of the performers and cheered for them from the shadows, reveling in the dancing shadows of fire and the loud roars of the magnificent beasts that seemed to come from the most fantastic and outlandish of tales.
Amenemhat felt himself delve into the fantasy, allowed the present to fall away as he imagined himself and Kesi in the circus, loud 'wows' and 'oohs' and 'ahhhs' escaping their lips, but muted before the grandeur of the applause and the delighted screams that were laced with only a little bit of healthy fear.
Rather than berate his sister for her inability to remember, as a foolish older brother in any other circumstance might have, he elected to inform her. Amenemhat pulled his sister towards the table, bringing the grapes and a sealed ewer of juice that mother had tucked away for them. He poured cups for the both of them before he shook his head,
"Playing alone won't help you remember, I don't think. But... what if I told you stories? I've been to the circus before. And so have you. But what the Nile has taken away, I can tell you. Would you listen with me, Kesi, as I take us to the Tempest of Set?"
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The thought to wring this impostor's throat and deprive her of breath was not so easily torn from his mind. There was the sharp, visceral desire to do so that brought a twitch to his hands. He even lifted his arm, but rather than constrict her pulse, he brought his fingers to the top of her head, brushing the roots of her hair as he allowed himself to assess her expression. She was weary, clearly. The tired expression did not sit well on the face he was so used to seeing. She resembled Kesi so very closely, a perfect little doppelganger that was, if his grandfather's notes had anything to say about the matter, perfect for molding into whatever it was that his father wanted her to be.
She looks like my sister, but she doesn't act like her. Kesi was never scared, never so fearful of the world.
But this Issa girl couldn't really be blamed for that. If Amenemhat was inclined to feel empathy, he'd understand, but rather than being able to, he only felt lament. Lament for the sister that was gone. Lament for the chore that he was put through because his father left the coercion to him to go run his circus without them and that his mother was convinced that this girl was his sister. Then, he felt anger. He could never be angry at his mother, but Somgi of Cairo received the hidden wrath that was Amenemhat's ire. Resentment built deeper and deeper with every necessary dose plunged into this fake-sister's nostrils, with the fact that this ritual was becoming practised.
He'd enjoyed it, at first, learning a new thing that would later be of use to him. If he intended to run the circus, it came with the darkness that was prescribed to it. While a sense of disillusionment, the shattering of his perfect fantasy, rose with this ritual, it also provided him with the context for his very purpose in this world.
I am a ringmaster, he thought as he studied Kesi, as he imagined putting her face into the plume of rising opium smoke.
I am a ringmaster, he thought as his 'sister' expressed her sentiments towards the circus she'd never seen before. Amenemhat felt his purpose wax within him, the understanding of why he was forced to do what he was. Then, he released the feelings all at once. His lips curved, a wavering breath escaping his lips as he vented everything through the lens of calm.
"I don't remember how to play."
The whisper, one filled with shame at the fact that she'd forgotten.
"I want to remember, big brother."
Acceptance, in the identity given to her. Issa of wherever-the-hell was waning away, and all that was meant to remain was Kesi.
"I... I know I like the circus."
Of course you do, he wanted to tell her, to berate the tone she used of uncertainty. Everyone liked the circus once they went. It was a place where fantasy and spectacle overturned harsh reality. The circus was paradise that superseded the darkness of the moment, the dreariness of the world. Amenemhat was given a few chances to attend when it was in town, watching not only from the crowd with his mother and real sister, but from the back. He'd spoken with several of the performers and cheered for them from the shadows, reveling in the dancing shadows of fire and the loud roars of the magnificent beasts that seemed to come from the most fantastic and outlandish of tales.
Amenemhat felt himself delve into the fantasy, allowed the present to fall away as he imagined himself and Kesi in the circus, loud 'wows' and 'oohs' and 'ahhhs' escaping their lips, but muted before the grandeur of the applause and the delighted screams that were laced with only a little bit of healthy fear.
Rather than berate his sister for her inability to remember, as a foolish older brother in any other circumstance might have, he elected to inform her. Amenemhat pulled his sister towards the table, bringing the grapes and a sealed ewer of juice that mother had tucked away for them. He poured cups for the both of them before he shook his head,
"Playing alone won't help you remember, I don't think. But... what if I told you stories? I've been to the circus before. And so have you. But what the Nile has taken away, I can tell you. Would you listen with me, Kesi, as I take us to the Tempest of Set?"
The thought to wring this impostor's throat and deprive her of breath was not so easily torn from his mind. There was the sharp, visceral desire to do so that brought a twitch to his hands. He even lifted his arm, but rather than constrict her pulse, he brought his fingers to the top of her head, brushing the roots of her hair as he allowed himself to assess her expression. She was weary, clearly. The tired expression did not sit well on the face he was so used to seeing. She resembled Kesi so very closely, a perfect little doppelganger that was, if his grandfather's notes had anything to say about the matter, perfect for molding into whatever it was that his father wanted her to be.
She looks like my sister, but she doesn't act like her. Kesi was never scared, never so fearful of the world.
But this Issa girl couldn't really be blamed for that. If Amenemhat was inclined to feel empathy, he'd understand, but rather than being able to, he only felt lament. Lament for the sister that was gone. Lament for the chore that he was put through because his father left the coercion to him to go run his circus without them and that his mother was convinced that this girl was his sister. Then, he felt anger. He could never be angry at his mother, but Somgi of Cairo received the hidden wrath that was Amenemhat's ire. Resentment built deeper and deeper with every necessary dose plunged into this fake-sister's nostrils, with the fact that this ritual was becoming practised.
He'd enjoyed it, at first, learning a new thing that would later be of use to him. If he intended to run the circus, it came with the darkness that was prescribed to it. While a sense of disillusionment, the shattering of his perfect fantasy, rose with this ritual, it also provided him with the context for his very purpose in this world.
I am a ringmaster, he thought as he studied Kesi, as he imagined putting her face into the plume of rising opium smoke.
I am a ringmaster, he thought as his 'sister' expressed her sentiments towards the circus she'd never seen before. Amenemhat felt his purpose wax within him, the understanding of why he was forced to do what he was. Then, he released the feelings all at once. His lips curved, a wavering breath escaping his lips as he vented everything through the lens of calm.
"I don't remember how to play."
The whisper, one filled with shame at the fact that she'd forgotten.
"I want to remember, big brother."
Acceptance, in the identity given to her. Issa of wherever-the-hell was waning away, and all that was meant to remain was Kesi.
"I... I know I like the circus."
Of course you do, he wanted to tell her, to berate the tone she used of uncertainty. Everyone liked the circus once they went. It was a place where fantasy and spectacle overturned harsh reality. The circus was paradise that superseded the darkness of the moment, the dreariness of the world. Amenemhat was given a few chances to attend when it was in town, watching not only from the crowd with his mother and real sister, but from the back. He'd spoken with several of the performers and cheered for them from the shadows, reveling in the dancing shadows of fire and the loud roars of the magnificent beasts that seemed to come from the most fantastic and outlandish of tales.
Amenemhat felt himself delve into the fantasy, allowed the present to fall away as he imagined himself and Kesi in the circus, loud 'wows' and 'oohs' and 'ahhhs' escaping their lips, but muted before the grandeur of the applause and the delighted screams that were laced with only a little bit of healthy fear.
Rather than berate his sister for her inability to remember, as a foolish older brother in any other circumstance might have, he elected to inform her. Amenemhat pulled his sister towards the table, bringing the grapes and a sealed ewer of juice that mother had tucked away for them. He poured cups for the both of them before he shook his head,
"Playing alone won't help you remember, I don't think. But... what if I told you stories? I've been to the circus before. And so have you. But what the Nile has taken away, I can tell you. Would you listen with me, Kesi, as I take us to the Tempest of Set?"
How many times had she tried to run? Kesi had forgotten now. In the beginning, it felt like it was every day until her mama got smarter and figured out how to better hold her still. The boy was always there to stop her. He was this barrier keeping her in place. He was always there, watching her. He was always… there.
And Kesi hated him for it. Part of her still wanted to run as he poured the juice. No matter how patient he was being, or how kind his words were… Kesi wanted to run. This boy was scary. He wasn’t like other children. He didn’t laugh like they did, or smile like they did. The way his lips curved as she spoke felt… wrong.
This boy was wrong.
But Kesi couldn’t say that. If she said her thoughts, he’d give her medicine. This was the longest Kesi had been allowed outside of her room without her lips being forced towards a vase of smoke. She was eating because she desired to eat, not because she was forced to. And she had juice. Kesi liked juice.
If I just act like they want me to act, things won’t be bad anymore. The girl thought to herself as she brought the cup to her lips. She didn’t have to believe every word they said. If Nem said she liked the circus, she didn’t have to know if she really did or not. She’ll like the circus. If Nem said she liked grapes, she’ll eat grapes. Everything was… easier, apparently, if she just went along with it.
Okay. Things will be easy if I act normal. Then no more being scared! Right! She can do this. Lowering her cup, Kesi forced herself to perk up. Stories? He would tell her stories of the circus? “I wanna hear!” Kesi loved stories. She remembered being told stories all the time, but from who now escaped her. She just remembered them being about the gods. She’d hear stories about Ra and Anubis and Osiris and all the gods! “I love stories. And pretend.”
That was another thing Kesi remembered playing. Pretend. But she never remembered playing it with the circus. But the girl had a wild imagination, that she knew. She was always dreaming. Maybe it was of the gods? Did she dream of Set, the patron of the circus? Did she dream of the chaos that he brought?
Was it that dreaming that caused her memory to fade? Did she anger @set that day she was playing in the river? Was this her punishment, a life of fear and confusion? I’m sorry. She thought to herself, eyes lowering to the floor in shame once more. I’ll be better. I’m sorry.
Or was this his way of giving her a second chance? If she remained silent and went with the chaos before her, would he forgive her? Would she be okay? Would the boy stop being so scary, and mama stop being someone that felt like was trapping her rather than caring for her.
Kesi took another nervous sip, immediately the excitement that she tried to have waned. She looked back up at the boy. “I’m doing this wrong, aren’t I?” She said quietly. She knew she sounded fake. She liked pretend, but she wasn’t good at it. Especially when it was her whole life.
She needed to try again. She needed to be better. Maybe… maybe she did need the medicine. As much as she hated it, things got foggy. She didn’t pretend when she was taking her medicine. She just… existed. She was… who she wanted to be. Who he wanted her to be.
Who even was she? Kesi knew she was Kesi of Alexandria. She was sister to Amenemhat of Alexandria and daughter to Somgi and Layla of… somewhere. But beyond that, the question remained: Who was she? Anytime Kesi thought she knew something, she was wrong. Anytime she thought she liked something… she was wrong.
What do I know? She knew she liked the circus. She was told that over and over again. And it was painted in her room. She knew she liked her family. Maybe not papa, but mama and her brother wouldn’t care at all if she didn’t like them right? They’d be like papa. She knew she… liked grapes. But was there anything else? Anything simple? “I like the color green, right?” Kesi asked her brother. “I really like that color.” That was something she knew she liked. Green. It made sense. Why would she like any other color? Green was the best. “Right… right!”
There it was. The small shift in emotion. A spark. Confidence. Kesi could remember things. Even if it was small, she could remember things. She smiled again, this time more genuine than before. “I wanna hear that story now!” She wanted to… remember.
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Aug 15, 2020 22:45:19 GMT
Posted In Progression on Aug 15, 2020 22:45:19 GMT
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How many times had she tried to run? Kesi had forgotten now. In the beginning, it felt like it was every day until her mama got smarter and figured out how to better hold her still. The boy was always there to stop her. He was this barrier keeping her in place. He was always there, watching her. He was always… there.
And Kesi hated him for it. Part of her still wanted to run as he poured the juice. No matter how patient he was being, or how kind his words were… Kesi wanted to run. This boy was scary. He wasn’t like other children. He didn’t laugh like they did, or smile like they did. The way his lips curved as she spoke felt… wrong.
This boy was wrong.
But Kesi couldn’t say that. If she said her thoughts, he’d give her medicine. This was the longest Kesi had been allowed outside of her room without her lips being forced towards a vase of smoke. She was eating because she desired to eat, not because she was forced to. And she had juice. Kesi liked juice.
If I just act like they want me to act, things won’t be bad anymore. The girl thought to herself as she brought the cup to her lips. She didn’t have to believe every word they said. If Nem said she liked the circus, she didn’t have to know if she really did or not. She’ll like the circus. If Nem said she liked grapes, she’ll eat grapes. Everything was… easier, apparently, if she just went along with it.
Okay. Things will be easy if I act normal. Then no more being scared! Right! She can do this. Lowering her cup, Kesi forced herself to perk up. Stories? He would tell her stories of the circus? “I wanna hear!” Kesi loved stories. She remembered being told stories all the time, but from who now escaped her. She just remembered them being about the gods. She’d hear stories about Ra and Anubis and Osiris and all the gods! “I love stories. And pretend.”
That was another thing Kesi remembered playing. Pretend. But she never remembered playing it with the circus. But the girl had a wild imagination, that she knew. She was always dreaming. Maybe it was of the gods? Did she dream of Set, the patron of the circus? Did she dream of the chaos that he brought?
Was it that dreaming that caused her memory to fade? Did she anger @set that day she was playing in the river? Was this her punishment, a life of fear and confusion? I’m sorry. She thought to herself, eyes lowering to the floor in shame once more. I’ll be better. I’m sorry.
Or was this his way of giving her a second chance? If she remained silent and went with the chaos before her, would he forgive her? Would she be okay? Would the boy stop being so scary, and mama stop being someone that felt like was trapping her rather than caring for her.
Kesi took another nervous sip, immediately the excitement that she tried to have waned. She looked back up at the boy. “I’m doing this wrong, aren’t I?” She said quietly. She knew she sounded fake. She liked pretend, but she wasn’t good at it. Especially when it was her whole life.
She needed to try again. She needed to be better. Maybe… maybe she did need the medicine. As much as she hated it, things got foggy. She didn’t pretend when she was taking her medicine. She just… existed. She was… who she wanted to be. Who he wanted her to be.
Who even was she? Kesi knew she was Kesi of Alexandria. She was sister to Amenemhat of Alexandria and daughter to Somgi and Layla of… somewhere. But beyond that, the question remained: Who was she? Anytime Kesi thought she knew something, she was wrong. Anytime she thought she liked something… she was wrong.
What do I know? She knew she liked the circus. She was told that over and over again. And it was painted in her room. She knew she liked her family. Maybe not papa, but mama and her brother wouldn’t care at all if she didn’t like them right? They’d be like papa. She knew she… liked grapes. But was there anything else? Anything simple? “I like the color green, right?” Kesi asked her brother. “I really like that color.” That was something she knew she liked. Green. It made sense. Why would she like any other color? Green was the best. “Right… right!”
There it was. The small shift in emotion. A spark. Confidence. Kesi could remember things. Even if it was small, she could remember things. She smiled again, this time more genuine than before. “I wanna hear that story now!” She wanted to… remember.
How many times had she tried to run? Kesi had forgotten now. In the beginning, it felt like it was every day until her mama got smarter and figured out how to better hold her still. The boy was always there to stop her. He was this barrier keeping her in place. He was always there, watching her. He was always… there.
And Kesi hated him for it. Part of her still wanted to run as he poured the juice. No matter how patient he was being, or how kind his words were… Kesi wanted to run. This boy was scary. He wasn’t like other children. He didn’t laugh like they did, or smile like they did. The way his lips curved as she spoke felt… wrong.
This boy was wrong.
But Kesi couldn’t say that. If she said her thoughts, he’d give her medicine. This was the longest Kesi had been allowed outside of her room without her lips being forced towards a vase of smoke. She was eating because she desired to eat, not because she was forced to. And she had juice. Kesi liked juice.
If I just act like they want me to act, things won’t be bad anymore. The girl thought to herself as she brought the cup to her lips. She didn’t have to believe every word they said. If Nem said she liked the circus, she didn’t have to know if she really did or not. She’ll like the circus. If Nem said she liked grapes, she’ll eat grapes. Everything was… easier, apparently, if she just went along with it.
Okay. Things will be easy if I act normal. Then no more being scared! Right! She can do this. Lowering her cup, Kesi forced herself to perk up. Stories? He would tell her stories of the circus? “I wanna hear!” Kesi loved stories. She remembered being told stories all the time, but from who now escaped her. She just remembered them being about the gods. She’d hear stories about Ra and Anubis and Osiris and all the gods! “I love stories. And pretend.”
That was another thing Kesi remembered playing. Pretend. But she never remembered playing it with the circus. But the girl had a wild imagination, that she knew. She was always dreaming. Maybe it was of the gods? Did she dream of Set, the patron of the circus? Did she dream of the chaos that he brought?
Was it that dreaming that caused her memory to fade? Did she anger @set that day she was playing in the river? Was this her punishment, a life of fear and confusion? I’m sorry. She thought to herself, eyes lowering to the floor in shame once more. I’ll be better. I’m sorry.
Or was this his way of giving her a second chance? If she remained silent and went with the chaos before her, would he forgive her? Would she be okay? Would the boy stop being so scary, and mama stop being someone that felt like was trapping her rather than caring for her.
Kesi took another nervous sip, immediately the excitement that she tried to have waned. She looked back up at the boy. “I’m doing this wrong, aren’t I?” She said quietly. She knew she sounded fake. She liked pretend, but she wasn’t good at it. Especially when it was her whole life.
She needed to try again. She needed to be better. Maybe… maybe she did need the medicine. As much as she hated it, things got foggy. She didn’t pretend when she was taking her medicine. She just… existed. She was… who she wanted to be. Who he wanted her to be.
Who even was she? Kesi knew she was Kesi of Alexandria. She was sister to Amenemhat of Alexandria and daughter to Somgi and Layla of… somewhere. But beyond that, the question remained: Who was she? Anytime Kesi thought she knew something, she was wrong. Anytime she thought she liked something… she was wrong.
What do I know? She knew she liked the circus. She was told that over and over again. And it was painted in her room. She knew she liked her family. Maybe not papa, but mama and her brother wouldn’t care at all if she didn’t like them right? They’d be like papa. She knew she… liked grapes. But was there anything else? Anything simple? “I like the color green, right?” Kesi asked her brother. “I really like that color.” That was something she knew she liked. Green. It made sense. Why would she like any other color? Green was the best. “Right… right!”
There it was. The small shift in emotion. A spark. Confidence. Kesi could remember things. Even if it was small, she could remember things. She smiled again, this time more genuine than before. “I wanna hear that story now!” She wanted to… remember.
"I wanna hear!"
"I love stories. And pretend."
Playing circus was a fun diversion for Nem, because it allowed him to come to terms with the sort of person he needed to be in order to rule over his father's circus when he was ready. While the fantasy that was the Tempest of Set was just that, the reality of the matter was that mostly everything that Nem did was in preparation for the destiny laid out for him by the providence of the Gods. Nem learned tales of Anubis, of Horus and Ra, of Osiris... but most of all, he'd learned the tales of Set and the wrathful, powerful being through which the Tempest of Set shone most radiantly.
He thought of the underbelly that he'd someday rule over, the idea of performers taken to thievery and mischief while keeping over their facade of entertainment. It was all so very messy and wild and Amenemhat could truly understand why the Tempest of Set was so magical. It was a vision rather than a place, an ideal of chaos beneath the reality of commerce. Nem let the matter slide for the moment, moving back to the girl in front of him, the drug-addled (but not right now) girl who'd been stolen away and turned into a guinea pig. Amenemhat corrupted her mind with drugs to a dubious level of success, but the more time passed the more... not at ease... but willing she seemed to be.
This place is a cage for her, he reflected. He wondered how it might feel to be put in a cage, drugged so carelessly, isolated... Amenemhat couldn't imagine her pain, her suffering, only see her expressions and try to determine what they meant.
"I'm doing this wrong, aren't I?"
What?
She was standing there, going between a look of excitement and one of fear, wrestling with her emotions and she thought she was what, pretending wrong? She was existing wrong, in his mind. But, there was mercy in this moment. Simply because the fake Kesi was not being a proper little replacement didn't mean she was wrong for it. She needed to learn, Nem needed to teach her, and the excitement of the story of the Tempest of Set might influence the girl into wanting the reality they supplied to her.
"I think you do. I like green," he agreed, offering the shogt of a smile. She affirmed herself in that sort of... was that confidence? Was she making even a little bit of progress? He remained astute to the changes within Kesi, from the exclamation of certainty to an expression of what she wanted and for a brief moment, he remembered.
"Tell me a story!"
She had a different voice, but the same face. A young girl looked at her elder brother with undisguised wonder at what he might've wanted to tell her. Amenemhat curved his lips into a smile, an expression reserved only for her and one other, before he parted his lips to speak.
He still remembered those stories, and followed the rehearsed lines as he stood up, raising both of his hands in a flourish before bowing low to the doppelganger sister.
"There is a place, dear sister, just beyond the city's sands. A place of wonders, of magic, that spans across the lands.
The great circus, it was once called, when it was created. But, as it grew and grew, a new name was debated.
The Tempest of Set, where the Chaos God is our patron The Tempest of Set, of whom Nephthys is matron.
The circus is the life of the desert, a guiding star Truly, nothing else in Egypt is up to par.
Come one, come all, to the Tempest of Set You'll never be sorry, of this I'll bet."
The sing song introduction to his story was a rehearsed thing, something that the original Kesi always enjoyed for reasons he wasn't entirely sure about. A pitiable rhyme at best, but it was treasured nonetheless.
"Would you like to hear more, Kesi? The circus will be our home soon. There's so much to know."
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Posted In Progression on Aug 23, 2020 19:57:51 GMT
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"I wanna hear!"
"I love stories. And pretend."
Playing circus was a fun diversion for Nem, because it allowed him to come to terms with the sort of person he needed to be in order to rule over his father's circus when he was ready. While the fantasy that was the Tempest of Set was just that, the reality of the matter was that mostly everything that Nem did was in preparation for the destiny laid out for him by the providence of the Gods. Nem learned tales of Anubis, of Horus and Ra, of Osiris... but most of all, he'd learned the tales of Set and the wrathful, powerful being through which the Tempest of Set shone most radiantly.
He thought of the underbelly that he'd someday rule over, the idea of performers taken to thievery and mischief while keeping over their facade of entertainment. It was all so very messy and wild and Amenemhat could truly understand why the Tempest of Set was so magical. It was a vision rather than a place, an ideal of chaos beneath the reality of commerce. Nem let the matter slide for the moment, moving back to the girl in front of him, the drug-addled (but not right now) girl who'd been stolen away and turned into a guinea pig. Amenemhat corrupted her mind with drugs to a dubious level of success, but the more time passed the more... not at ease... but willing she seemed to be.
This place is a cage for her, he reflected. He wondered how it might feel to be put in a cage, drugged so carelessly, isolated... Amenemhat couldn't imagine her pain, her suffering, only see her expressions and try to determine what they meant.
"I'm doing this wrong, aren't I?"
What?
She was standing there, going between a look of excitement and one of fear, wrestling with her emotions and she thought she was what, pretending wrong? She was existing wrong, in his mind. But, there was mercy in this moment. Simply because the fake Kesi was not being a proper little replacement didn't mean she was wrong for it. She needed to learn, Nem needed to teach her, and the excitement of the story of the Tempest of Set might influence the girl into wanting the reality they supplied to her.
"I think you do. I like green," he agreed, offering the shogt of a smile. She affirmed herself in that sort of... was that confidence? Was she making even a little bit of progress? He remained astute to the changes within Kesi, from the exclamation of certainty to an expression of what she wanted and for a brief moment, he remembered.
"Tell me a story!"
She had a different voice, but the same face. A young girl looked at her elder brother with undisguised wonder at what he might've wanted to tell her. Amenemhat curved his lips into a smile, an expression reserved only for her and one other, before he parted his lips to speak.
He still remembered those stories, and followed the rehearsed lines as he stood up, raising both of his hands in a flourish before bowing low to the doppelganger sister.
"There is a place, dear sister, just beyond the city's sands. A place of wonders, of magic, that spans across the lands.
The great circus, it was once called, when it was created. But, as it grew and grew, a new name was debated.
The Tempest of Set, where the Chaos God is our patron The Tempest of Set, of whom Nephthys is matron.
The circus is the life of the desert, a guiding star Truly, nothing else in Egypt is up to par.
Come one, come all, to the Tempest of Set You'll never be sorry, of this I'll bet."
The sing song introduction to his story was a rehearsed thing, something that the original Kesi always enjoyed for reasons he wasn't entirely sure about. A pitiable rhyme at best, but it was treasured nonetheless.
"Would you like to hear more, Kesi? The circus will be our home soon. There's so much to know."
"I wanna hear!"
"I love stories. And pretend."
Playing circus was a fun diversion for Nem, because it allowed him to come to terms with the sort of person he needed to be in order to rule over his father's circus when he was ready. While the fantasy that was the Tempest of Set was just that, the reality of the matter was that mostly everything that Nem did was in preparation for the destiny laid out for him by the providence of the Gods. Nem learned tales of Anubis, of Horus and Ra, of Osiris... but most of all, he'd learned the tales of Set and the wrathful, powerful being through which the Tempest of Set shone most radiantly.
He thought of the underbelly that he'd someday rule over, the idea of performers taken to thievery and mischief while keeping over their facade of entertainment. It was all so very messy and wild and Amenemhat could truly understand why the Tempest of Set was so magical. It was a vision rather than a place, an ideal of chaos beneath the reality of commerce. Nem let the matter slide for the moment, moving back to the girl in front of him, the drug-addled (but not right now) girl who'd been stolen away and turned into a guinea pig. Amenemhat corrupted her mind with drugs to a dubious level of success, but the more time passed the more... not at ease... but willing she seemed to be.
This place is a cage for her, he reflected. He wondered how it might feel to be put in a cage, drugged so carelessly, isolated... Amenemhat couldn't imagine her pain, her suffering, only see her expressions and try to determine what they meant.
"I'm doing this wrong, aren't I?"
What?
She was standing there, going between a look of excitement and one of fear, wrestling with her emotions and she thought she was what, pretending wrong? She was existing wrong, in his mind. But, there was mercy in this moment. Simply because the fake Kesi was not being a proper little replacement didn't mean she was wrong for it. She needed to learn, Nem needed to teach her, and the excitement of the story of the Tempest of Set might influence the girl into wanting the reality they supplied to her.
"I think you do. I like green," he agreed, offering the shogt of a smile. She affirmed herself in that sort of... was that confidence? Was she making even a little bit of progress? He remained astute to the changes within Kesi, from the exclamation of certainty to an expression of what she wanted and for a brief moment, he remembered.
"Tell me a story!"
She had a different voice, but the same face. A young girl looked at her elder brother with undisguised wonder at what he might've wanted to tell her. Amenemhat curved his lips into a smile, an expression reserved only for her and one other, before he parted his lips to speak.
He still remembered those stories, and followed the rehearsed lines as he stood up, raising both of his hands in a flourish before bowing low to the doppelganger sister.
"There is a place, dear sister, just beyond the city's sands. A place of wonders, of magic, that spans across the lands.
The great circus, it was once called, when it was created. But, as it grew and grew, a new name was debated.
The Tempest of Set, where the Chaos God is our patron The Tempest of Set, of whom Nephthys is matron.
The circus is the life of the desert, a guiding star Truly, nothing else in Egypt is up to par.
Come one, come all, to the Tempest of Set You'll never be sorry, of this I'll bet."
The sing song introduction to his story was a rehearsed thing, something that the original Kesi always enjoyed for reasons he wasn't entirely sure about. A pitiable rhyme at best, but it was treasured nonetheless.
"Would you like to hear more, Kesi? The circus will be our home soon. There's so much to know."
While none of this sparked a familiarity within Kesi, something that might later crush her as she tried to fall asleep at night, she felt herself start to get whisked away. The poem that he recounted already began to paint the picture in her mind, just like the paint she found on her wall. Over the dunes and beyond the horizon she saw the circus, with tents that rose so high it touched Nephthys’s beautiful evening sky.
Her eyes were now a lit with real, genuine childlike wonder. No longer was Kesi worried about what she was doing wrong, and how she should be acting, or what she lost. Instead, she was lost in the cadence of her brother’s voice. For the moment, the fear subsided, and the agonizing depression that had been crushing Kesi for months faded. It was replaced with wonderment and awe.
This was how you play circus? She wondered. I can do this.
The way her brother painted the circus showed markings already of a brilliant storyteller. Of course, Kesi thought to herself. Papa is a ringmaster. And so will Nem. It was the smile that came next. The introduction was exciting. She clapped when it ended, and nodded rapidly willing him to keep going.
It was odd to Kesi being told that the circus would one day be their home. Right now it didn’t feel like she had a home. The room that she had been sleeping with was almost like a prison. It didn’t have a warm familiar feeling that one would usually associate with home. But maybe… it was because it was the circus was where she was meant to be. Yeah! That would make sense. The circus was home.
She needed to know more about it. She needed to know about where she belonged. Because it wasn’t this place. It never was and it never will be. But the circus, surely, was where Kesi would feel happy. The cold scariness of this house will be gone, and instead, be replaced with the freedom of the vast desert and the bright colors and laughter of people.
Kesi would entertain too. Just like Nem was, Kesi could wow people. Maybe she’d be an acrobat, flying high in the sky! Maybe she’d be a lion tamer, facing those beasts dead on. Maybe she’d be a juggler, dancing with death as knives were thrown in the air and caught. Kesi could do anything in the circus.
Right?
It was like a new life was sparked into Kesi. Each day that passed, Kesi was barely holding on. She was teetering just like Anubis’s scales from one side to another. But suddenly it was like this ingredient that had been gone came rushing back. It filled Kesi, lifted her spirit. Hope.
One day she might look back and find herself pathetic or foolish. But as a child who, according to her mother was a week shy of 7, this was a feeling she so desperately needed. She was still too young to truly understand the nuances of death, and yet over the past few months it was death that she yearned for. She wished for her torture to end. She wanted to desperately remember what she had clearly lost. She wanted an end to the agony that was the solitude of confinement, the confusion of amnesia, and the delusions that came with her medication. She wanted to do more than sleep. She wanted to desire something more than the numbness to go away.
And it was hope that was lighting the fire that had gone out in the child. This circus would give Kesi hope right? She’d go to it one day with her brother and mama. Papa would be there too and maybe he’d be less scary. Because the circus was the life of the desert, a guiding star. And with @set as their patron and @nephthys as their matron maybe the child wouldn’t be so… lost. Maybe, just maybe, she could find herself in the Temptest of Set.
And so the child giggled for the first time in months, “I wanna know everything.”
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While none of this sparked a familiarity within Kesi, something that might later crush her as she tried to fall asleep at night, she felt herself start to get whisked away. The poem that he recounted already began to paint the picture in her mind, just like the paint she found on her wall. Over the dunes and beyond the horizon she saw the circus, with tents that rose so high it touched Nephthys’s beautiful evening sky.
Her eyes were now a lit with real, genuine childlike wonder. No longer was Kesi worried about what she was doing wrong, and how she should be acting, or what she lost. Instead, she was lost in the cadence of her brother’s voice. For the moment, the fear subsided, and the agonizing depression that had been crushing Kesi for months faded. It was replaced with wonderment and awe.
This was how you play circus? She wondered. I can do this.
The way her brother painted the circus showed markings already of a brilliant storyteller. Of course, Kesi thought to herself. Papa is a ringmaster. And so will Nem. It was the smile that came next. The introduction was exciting. She clapped when it ended, and nodded rapidly willing him to keep going.
It was odd to Kesi being told that the circus would one day be their home. Right now it didn’t feel like she had a home. The room that she had been sleeping with was almost like a prison. It didn’t have a warm familiar feeling that one would usually associate with home. But maybe… it was because it was the circus was where she was meant to be. Yeah! That would make sense. The circus was home.
She needed to know more about it. She needed to know about where she belonged. Because it wasn’t this place. It never was and it never will be. But the circus, surely, was where Kesi would feel happy. The cold scariness of this house will be gone, and instead, be replaced with the freedom of the vast desert and the bright colors and laughter of people.
Kesi would entertain too. Just like Nem was, Kesi could wow people. Maybe she’d be an acrobat, flying high in the sky! Maybe she’d be a lion tamer, facing those beasts dead on. Maybe she’d be a juggler, dancing with death as knives were thrown in the air and caught. Kesi could do anything in the circus.
Right?
It was like a new life was sparked into Kesi. Each day that passed, Kesi was barely holding on. She was teetering just like Anubis’s scales from one side to another. But suddenly it was like this ingredient that had been gone came rushing back. It filled Kesi, lifted her spirit. Hope.
One day she might look back and find herself pathetic or foolish. But as a child who, according to her mother was a week shy of 7, this was a feeling she so desperately needed. She was still too young to truly understand the nuances of death, and yet over the past few months it was death that she yearned for. She wished for her torture to end. She wanted to desperately remember what she had clearly lost. She wanted an end to the agony that was the solitude of confinement, the confusion of amnesia, and the delusions that came with her medication. She wanted to do more than sleep. She wanted to desire something more than the numbness to go away.
And it was hope that was lighting the fire that had gone out in the child. This circus would give Kesi hope right? She’d go to it one day with her brother and mama. Papa would be there too and maybe he’d be less scary. Because the circus was the life of the desert, a guiding star. And with @set as their patron and @nephthys as their matron maybe the child wouldn’t be so… lost. Maybe, just maybe, she could find herself in the Temptest of Set.
And so the child giggled for the first time in months, “I wanna know everything.”
While none of this sparked a familiarity within Kesi, something that might later crush her as she tried to fall asleep at night, she felt herself start to get whisked away. The poem that he recounted already began to paint the picture in her mind, just like the paint she found on her wall. Over the dunes and beyond the horizon she saw the circus, with tents that rose so high it touched Nephthys’s beautiful evening sky.
Her eyes were now a lit with real, genuine childlike wonder. No longer was Kesi worried about what she was doing wrong, and how she should be acting, or what she lost. Instead, she was lost in the cadence of her brother’s voice. For the moment, the fear subsided, and the agonizing depression that had been crushing Kesi for months faded. It was replaced with wonderment and awe.
This was how you play circus? She wondered. I can do this.
The way her brother painted the circus showed markings already of a brilliant storyteller. Of course, Kesi thought to herself. Papa is a ringmaster. And so will Nem. It was the smile that came next. The introduction was exciting. She clapped when it ended, and nodded rapidly willing him to keep going.
It was odd to Kesi being told that the circus would one day be their home. Right now it didn’t feel like she had a home. The room that she had been sleeping with was almost like a prison. It didn’t have a warm familiar feeling that one would usually associate with home. But maybe… it was because it was the circus was where she was meant to be. Yeah! That would make sense. The circus was home.
She needed to know more about it. She needed to know about where she belonged. Because it wasn’t this place. It never was and it never will be. But the circus, surely, was where Kesi would feel happy. The cold scariness of this house will be gone, and instead, be replaced with the freedom of the vast desert and the bright colors and laughter of people.
Kesi would entertain too. Just like Nem was, Kesi could wow people. Maybe she’d be an acrobat, flying high in the sky! Maybe she’d be a lion tamer, facing those beasts dead on. Maybe she’d be a juggler, dancing with death as knives were thrown in the air and caught. Kesi could do anything in the circus.
Right?
It was like a new life was sparked into Kesi. Each day that passed, Kesi was barely holding on. She was teetering just like Anubis’s scales from one side to another. But suddenly it was like this ingredient that had been gone came rushing back. It filled Kesi, lifted her spirit. Hope.
One day she might look back and find herself pathetic or foolish. But as a child who, according to her mother was a week shy of 7, this was a feeling she so desperately needed. She was still too young to truly understand the nuances of death, and yet over the past few months it was death that she yearned for. She wished for her torture to end. She wanted to desperately remember what she had clearly lost. She wanted an end to the agony that was the solitude of confinement, the confusion of amnesia, and the delusions that came with her medication. She wanted to do more than sleep. She wanted to desire something more than the numbness to go away.
And it was hope that was lighting the fire that had gone out in the child. This circus would give Kesi hope right? She’d go to it one day with her brother and mama. Papa would be there too and maybe he’d be less scary. Because the circus was the life of the desert, a guiding star. And with @set as their patron and @nephthys as their matron maybe the child wouldn’t be so… lost. Maybe, just maybe, she could find herself in the Temptest of Set.
And so the child giggled for the first time in months, “I wanna know everything.”
How Amenemhat anticipated the day that he was whisked away to the circus that made up his future. He'd never been drawn to it by his father, who shared none of the propensity for storytelling at home that Amenemhat imagined a ringmaster needed for his game. No, Nem always announced the acts when he made believe, giving flourishes and bows to his sister as he introduced the fantasy of acrobats leaping into the air and lions roaring before the crowd. In his imagination, there was the massive tent, the one he'd seen up close, but never with the life that it surely held during showtime.
Nem didn't know why his father was so adamant about keeping his children away from their destiny. He was told over and over that he'd be welcomed into the circus next year. It was so soon! But, every day seemed to drag on longer and longer. He had no idea how long it would take, so it always became the fantasy he indulged in. He imagined his life as the ringmaster, always ignoring the fact that this meant his father was, one way or the other out of the picture. What he didn't have to imagine, however, was the delight that manifested upon the doppelganger's face.
There was something about astonishment and delight that drew Amenemhat. He reveled in it all, but for a reason. Nem understood that the circus was a business. It was a profit engine that sought to run itself on the happiness of others. There was something to the idea of quantifying happiness with currency that really intrigued Amenemhat.
Are other emotions the same way?
He really didn't know, but he ached to find out up close. Reading Amenhotep's entries again and again never served the purpose of understanding how the circus functioned in practice, but rather the theoretical that certainly served its own ends. But, Nem yearned for more. So, when he heard that first giggle escape Kesi's lips, he stalled for just a moment.
This was the first moment Amenemhat really considered her to be Kesi herself. The sound was uncanny in how similar it was to the same laugh Kesi let out.
"I wanna know everything."
Of course she did. It seemed like, for a brief moment, the soul of the real Kesi had at last made contact with this doppelganger body. The smile curled widely upon Nem's lips as he shifted. He moved to take a stool from the kitchen, setting it down where he'd stood before. After that, the young aspiring ringmaster rose onto it, stretching both of his arms out like wings. He spun on top of the stool. In the absence of performers, he needed to be the performers.
Arms rose up and down, as if representing the acrobats before he looked to Kesi once again,
"Never close your eyes, don't even blink To miss even a moment might break the link
Here we are, dear sister, in the circus of dreams The tent, it rises so high on its wooden beams
It covers us from the sun like a glove Away from the worship of Ra and the others above
The Tempest of Set, where chaos reigns Where acrobats fly, where knives travel deadly lanes
Where laughter and gasps both fill the land Nothing else can ever be so grand!
Jugglers and elephants and lions abound At the circus of dreams, we shall never find the ground."
Amenemhat stepped off from the stool before he took his sister's hand. He placed within it, from a beaded bag around his neck, two old show tickets that he'd found. With the Tempest of Set's insignia embossed upon it, the parchment fit easily into Kesi's small hand as he asked the girl.
"What do you think you'll do, dear sister, when the circus comes for you?"
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Sept 23, 2020 20:59:04 GMT
Posted In Progression on Sept 23, 2020 20:59:04 GMT
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How Amenemhat anticipated the day that he was whisked away to the circus that made up his future. He'd never been drawn to it by his father, who shared none of the propensity for storytelling at home that Amenemhat imagined a ringmaster needed for his game. No, Nem always announced the acts when he made believe, giving flourishes and bows to his sister as he introduced the fantasy of acrobats leaping into the air and lions roaring before the crowd. In his imagination, there was the massive tent, the one he'd seen up close, but never with the life that it surely held during showtime.
Nem didn't know why his father was so adamant about keeping his children away from their destiny. He was told over and over that he'd be welcomed into the circus next year. It was so soon! But, every day seemed to drag on longer and longer. He had no idea how long it would take, so it always became the fantasy he indulged in. He imagined his life as the ringmaster, always ignoring the fact that this meant his father was, one way or the other out of the picture. What he didn't have to imagine, however, was the delight that manifested upon the doppelganger's face.
There was something about astonishment and delight that drew Amenemhat. He reveled in it all, but for a reason. Nem understood that the circus was a business. It was a profit engine that sought to run itself on the happiness of others. There was something to the idea of quantifying happiness with currency that really intrigued Amenemhat.
Are other emotions the same way?
He really didn't know, but he ached to find out up close. Reading Amenhotep's entries again and again never served the purpose of understanding how the circus functioned in practice, but rather the theoretical that certainly served its own ends. But, Nem yearned for more. So, when he heard that first giggle escape Kesi's lips, he stalled for just a moment.
This was the first moment Amenemhat really considered her to be Kesi herself. The sound was uncanny in how similar it was to the same laugh Kesi let out.
"I wanna know everything."
Of course she did. It seemed like, for a brief moment, the soul of the real Kesi had at last made contact with this doppelganger body. The smile curled widely upon Nem's lips as he shifted. He moved to take a stool from the kitchen, setting it down where he'd stood before. After that, the young aspiring ringmaster rose onto it, stretching both of his arms out like wings. He spun on top of the stool. In the absence of performers, he needed to be the performers.
Arms rose up and down, as if representing the acrobats before he looked to Kesi once again,
"Never close your eyes, don't even blink To miss even a moment might break the link
Here we are, dear sister, in the circus of dreams The tent, it rises so high on its wooden beams
It covers us from the sun like a glove Away from the worship of Ra and the others above
The Tempest of Set, where chaos reigns Where acrobats fly, where knives travel deadly lanes
Where laughter and gasps both fill the land Nothing else can ever be so grand!
Jugglers and elephants and lions abound At the circus of dreams, we shall never find the ground."
Amenemhat stepped off from the stool before he took his sister's hand. He placed within it, from a beaded bag around his neck, two old show tickets that he'd found. With the Tempest of Set's insignia embossed upon it, the parchment fit easily into Kesi's small hand as he asked the girl.
"What do you think you'll do, dear sister, when the circus comes for you?"
How Amenemhat anticipated the day that he was whisked away to the circus that made up his future. He'd never been drawn to it by his father, who shared none of the propensity for storytelling at home that Amenemhat imagined a ringmaster needed for his game. No, Nem always announced the acts when he made believe, giving flourishes and bows to his sister as he introduced the fantasy of acrobats leaping into the air and lions roaring before the crowd. In his imagination, there was the massive tent, the one he'd seen up close, but never with the life that it surely held during showtime.
Nem didn't know why his father was so adamant about keeping his children away from their destiny. He was told over and over that he'd be welcomed into the circus next year. It was so soon! But, every day seemed to drag on longer and longer. He had no idea how long it would take, so it always became the fantasy he indulged in. He imagined his life as the ringmaster, always ignoring the fact that this meant his father was, one way or the other out of the picture. What he didn't have to imagine, however, was the delight that manifested upon the doppelganger's face.
There was something about astonishment and delight that drew Amenemhat. He reveled in it all, but for a reason. Nem understood that the circus was a business. It was a profit engine that sought to run itself on the happiness of others. There was something to the idea of quantifying happiness with currency that really intrigued Amenemhat.
Are other emotions the same way?
He really didn't know, but he ached to find out up close. Reading Amenhotep's entries again and again never served the purpose of understanding how the circus functioned in practice, but rather the theoretical that certainly served its own ends. But, Nem yearned for more. So, when he heard that first giggle escape Kesi's lips, he stalled for just a moment.
This was the first moment Amenemhat really considered her to be Kesi herself. The sound was uncanny in how similar it was to the same laugh Kesi let out.
"I wanna know everything."
Of course she did. It seemed like, for a brief moment, the soul of the real Kesi had at last made contact with this doppelganger body. The smile curled widely upon Nem's lips as he shifted. He moved to take a stool from the kitchen, setting it down where he'd stood before. After that, the young aspiring ringmaster rose onto it, stretching both of his arms out like wings. He spun on top of the stool. In the absence of performers, he needed to be the performers.
Arms rose up and down, as if representing the acrobats before he looked to Kesi once again,
"Never close your eyes, don't even blink To miss even a moment might break the link
Here we are, dear sister, in the circus of dreams The tent, it rises so high on its wooden beams
It covers us from the sun like a glove Away from the worship of Ra and the others above
The Tempest of Set, where chaos reigns Where acrobats fly, where knives travel deadly lanes
Where laughter and gasps both fill the land Nothing else can ever be so grand!
Jugglers and elephants and lions abound At the circus of dreams, we shall never find the ground."
Amenemhat stepped off from the stool before he took his sister's hand. He placed within it, from a beaded bag around his neck, two old show tickets that he'd found. With the Tempest of Set's insignia embossed upon it, the parchment fit easily into Kesi's small hand as he asked the girl.
"What do you think you'll do, dear sister, when the circus comes for you?"
This was an odd sensation. For so long Kesi felt like she was floating. She felt like she was detached to her body, merely nudged this way and that. She felt like she was nothing. Kesi was existing. For what reason, she was not sure. Kesi was purposeless. She was a confused girl with no memory and a lot of fear. Kesi was nothing.
But then she held the two tickets in her hand. She saw the swirl, the same swirl that Kesi had found on her walls earlier that day. Was this the circus? Was this the Tempest of Set? Kesi didn’t feel like she was floating anymore. For the first time in a long time, she felt alive.
But there was something else that came with this feeling. Something that… Kesi hadn’t felt since rediscovering who her family was. It was a feeling that felt almost… foreign to her now. Something that felt dangerous, but it existed nonetheless. It was trust.
The child had left her bedroom and was exploring the house. She had felt fear the entire time. When she came upon a door that led to the outside, she had thought of running. But it was that fear that kept her inside. And just like that, she had run into her brother. Kesi had expected more medicine. She expected misery to come, but instead, he gave her grapes. He played with her. He told her of the circus and all the wonders inside of it.
She could trust him.
Can I? There was that voice again. Doubt. She hated it, because, despite these positive feelings of hope, excitement, and trust, there was still underlying seeds of doubt and fear. The child knew that Nem could be terrifying. No matter how much Kesi had begged not to take the medicine, he unblinkingly forced it upon her.
But he seemed happy right now. And with that Kesi realized something. When he was happy… so was she. When he was happy, he wasn’t taking her to the room and forcing her to breathe from a vase. She wasn’t dizzy and numb. Her mind wasn’t foggy. She was allowed to have fun.
Was that the key? If Nem was happy, would that mean she could be too? She wouldn’t have to be hurt. She wouldn’t have to cry. She wouldn’t have to… want to die. She could giggle and laugh and clap and smile. She could be excited. She just had to trust him.
Deep down there was a part of her that didn’t want to do that. There was a part of her that wanted to run. She was scared. She wanted to be away from here. But why? Why run if this was much easier. Kesi just wanted Nem to be happy. If he was happy, then so was she.
What do you think you’ll do, dear sister, when the circus comes for you? The answer was simple:
“Whatever you want me to do.”
This character is currently a work in progress.
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This character is currently a work in progress.
Check out their information page here.
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This was an odd sensation. For so long Kesi felt like she was floating. She felt like she was detached to her body, merely nudged this way and that. She felt like she was nothing. Kesi was existing. For what reason, she was not sure. Kesi was purposeless. She was a confused girl with no memory and a lot of fear. Kesi was nothing.
But then she held the two tickets in her hand. She saw the swirl, the same swirl that Kesi had found on her walls earlier that day. Was this the circus? Was this the Tempest of Set? Kesi didn’t feel like she was floating anymore. For the first time in a long time, she felt alive.
But there was something else that came with this feeling. Something that… Kesi hadn’t felt since rediscovering who her family was. It was a feeling that felt almost… foreign to her now. Something that felt dangerous, but it existed nonetheless. It was trust.
The child had left her bedroom and was exploring the house. She had felt fear the entire time. When she came upon a door that led to the outside, she had thought of running. But it was that fear that kept her inside. And just like that, she had run into her brother. Kesi had expected more medicine. She expected misery to come, but instead, he gave her grapes. He played with her. He told her of the circus and all the wonders inside of it.
She could trust him.
Can I? There was that voice again. Doubt. She hated it, because, despite these positive feelings of hope, excitement, and trust, there was still underlying seeds of doubt and fear. The child knew that Nem could be terrifying. No matter how much Kesi had begged not to take the medicine, he unblinkingly forced it upon her.
But he seemed happy right now. And with that Kesi realized something. When he was happy… so was she. When he was happy, he wasn’t taking her to the room and forcing her to breathe from a vase. She wasn’t dizzy and numb. Her mind wasn’t foggy. She was allowed to have fun.
Was that the key? If Nem was happy, would that mean she could be too? She wouldn’t have to be hurt. She wouldn’t have to cry. She wouldn’t have to… want to die. She could giggle and laugh and clap and smile. She could be excited. She just had to trust him.
Deep down there was a part of her that didn’t want to do that. There was a part of her that wanted to run. She was scared. She wanted to be away from here. But why? Why run if this was much easier. Kesi just wanted Nem to be happy. If he was happy, then so was she.
What do you think you’ll do, dear sister, when the circus comes for you? The answer was simple:
“Whatever you want me to do.”
This was an odd sensation. For so long Kesi felt like she was floating. She felt like she was detached to her body, merely nudged this way and that. She felt like she was nothing. Kesi was existing. For what reason, she was not sure. Kesi was purposeless. She was a confused girl with no memory and a lot of fear. Kesi was nothing.
But then she held the two tickets in her hand. She saw the swirl, the same swirl that Kesi had found on her walls earlier that day. Was this the circus? Was this the Tempest of Set? Kesi didn’t feel like she was floating anymore. For the first time in a long time, she felt alive.
But there was something else that came with this feeling. Something that… Kesi hadn’t felt since rediscovering who her family was. It was a feeling that felt almost… foreign to her now. Something that felt dangerous, but it existed nonetheless. It was trust.
The child had left her bedroom and was exploring the house. She had felt fear the entire time. When she came upon a door that led to the outside, she had thought of running. But it was that fear that kept her inside. And just like that, she had run into her brother. Kesi had expected more medicine. She expected misery to come, but instead, he gave her grapes. He played with her. He told her of the circus and all the wonders inside of it.
She could trust him.
Can I? There was that voice again. Doubt. She hated it, because, despite these positive feelings of hope, excitement, and trust, there was still underlying seeds of doubt and fear. The child knew that Nem could be terrifying. No matter how much Kesi had begged not to take the medicine, he unblinkingly forced it upon her.
But he seemed happy right now. And with that Kesi realized something. When he was happy… so was she. When he was happy, he wasn’t taking her to the room and forcing her to breathe from a vase. She wasn’t dizzy and numb. Her mind wasn’t foggy. She was allowed to have fun.
Was that the key? If Nem was happy, would that mean she could be too? She wouldn’t have to be hurt. She wouldn’t have to cry. She wouldn’t have to… want to die. She could giggle and laugh and clap and smile. She could be excited. She just had to trust him.
Deep down there was a part of her that didn’t want to do that. There was a part of her that wanted to run. She was scared. She wanted to be away from here. But why? Why run if this was much easier. Kesi just wanted Nem to be happy. If he was happy, then so was she.
What do you think you’ll do, dear sister, when the circus comes for you? The answer was simple: